[Alyssa1]

I first met him when I went for a trial shift at a pub in town. I spoke to him a bit but thought nothing of it. But then I went to the pub a bit more frequently and started to notice him more.

A few days later my friends convinced me to get tinder. I matched with him straight away and after a week, I went back to the pub and saw that he was working. When I sat down near the bar I saw that he noticed me and was mentioning me to his co-workers and was getting excited which made me feel like he actually likes me.

When I went up to the bar, he was very flirty and was trying to show off in front of me and would make jokes saying how I was his girlfriend to his co-workers.

After that I decided to message him on tinder a few days later to try and get a conversation going but that didn’t really work as we only messaged a bit and then he didn’t reply but then hasn’t used the app since (hopefully I didn’t scare him off it hahaha) but that was the last time I had spoken to him and now it’s been nearly a month since I’ve seen him because I haven’t been going to that pub recently.

I’m just wondering what you would do in my situation as I still would like to get to know him. I’m not sure if I should just take my chances and go to the pub more with my friends but it could just be a wasted journey since I’m not sure when he will be working.

It’s just that I haven’t been in a relationship before and I don’t want to scare him away or anything because this is the first guy that I like and that likes me back, plus we both actually know that the other is attracted to the other.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’re both teenagers, and probably don’t have a lot of dating experience, consider that you’re not the only one who’s unsure of how things should proceed. Guys sometimes feel pressured by social circumstances and especially if he likes you, he may be unsure about what to do. That’s why I suggest that you flirt with him. Let him know you like him and that you’re there. This will give him confidence to proceed without being rejected. Guys want something to chase and when you flirt, you’re giving him the message that you’re interested as well — that’s what he can chase after. Of course, that means you have to see him to flirt with him, so show up at the pub and if he is there, great — if he isn’t you can try to discreetly find out when he will be working and make it a point to show up then.

And… in the meantime, play the field. It’s great to like someone, but since you’re not dating and that possibility is up in the air, don’t put all your eggs in that basket and make yourself crazy worrying about this one person. Increase your odds of finding someone interesting to date by showing up at his pub to flirt, but also considering your other options as well. 😉

[Sally]

From what you described, he liked you in the moment. The flirting, the showing off, the joking with coworkers that wasn’t nothing. But bar energy and real-life follow-through don’t always match. Some people are bold in person and lazy online.

You didn’t scare him off by messaging him. If anything, the Tinder fade just shows he didn’t take the next step, not that you did something wrong.

If you want to try once more, go to the pub casually with friends. Not hunting him down, just living your life. If he’s into you, he’ll light up again and make a move. If he doesn’t, that’s your answer.
First crushes feel huge. Just don’t make him bigger than his effort.

[Tara]

You’re scared of finding out he’s not that interested. So you’re hiding behind hope, coincidence, and passive behavior instead of doing the one thing adults do: act.
Yes, he flirted at work. Yes, he showed off. That means he enjoyed the attention in the moment. It does not mean he was invested. If he were, you wouldn’t be sitting here a month later inventing excuses for his silence. A man who wants you doesn’t disappear after a half-dead Tinder exchange and hope fate drags you back into his bar.

Tinder didn’t scare him off. You didn’t do anything wrong. He just didn’t follow through. Flirting at work is low effort and low risk. Messaging you directly, asking you out, or continuing the conversation would require intention. He didn’t show any.

Going back to the pub repeatedly, hoping he’s working, is not romantic. It’s aimless and slightly desperate. You’re outsourcing initiative to luck because you’re inexperienced and afraid of rejection. That doesn’t make you innocent; it makes you passive.

And stop telling yourself,f “we both know we like each other.” No. You like him. He liked flirting. Those are not the same thing. If he actually liked you, you’d have clarity by now instead of questions.

If you want self-respect you send one direct message, not flirty, not apologetic, something simple like “Hey, I enjoyed meeting you. Want to grab a drink sometime?” Then you shut up. If he responds and sets a plan, great. If he doesn’t, you move on permanently. No pub stalking. No waiting. No fantasy.

[Member]

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