[Aldeakrans]

I am a 23 year old young adult, and I have a question about meeting girls, and then continuing the contact. After 4 years of stressful studying, I’ve graduated college. During those 4 years, with an exception of a small 3 month relationship, I’ve been alone.
I’ve discovered that meeting girls is perhaps easiest in public transportation. In my country (located in southeast Europe) it is more-or-less socially acceptable to engage in a conversation with the person that you’ve sat next to in the bus.
I’ll keep things brief. I met a girl while waiting for the bus. She recently moved to a dorm in my city and started attending college here. The conversation was interesting and friendly . The bus came, next to each other, continued talking, I got off on my stop. I asked a friend of mine that was in the same college and managed to find her facebook profile.
What should I do next? If I want to meet her again, the second encounter must be planned, only to look coincidental. Random luck can only get you so far. 🙂
1.My friend sent me the lecture timetable from her group. I could grab a book and lounge around in the library, have a cup of coffee in the cafeteria and then bump into her. When asked, I’m gonna complain that my neighbor renovates and I can’t stand the noise.
2.I could add her on facebook right away. Not a smart idea. Girls get ton of invites, and It just seems really creepy, she never gave me her facebook profile, she will think that I stalked her or something.
3.Something else I never thought of? Help?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Congratulations on graduating from college! Now you can start your dating education! 🙂

Don’t worry about bumping into her appearing coincidental. The reality is you’re interested in her, and there is nothing wrong with your feeling that you want to chase her and get to know her further, in fact, women find that appealing. They want a guy who is confident and assertive enough to do something about what he wants. 😎 So don’t play coy, and do make a genuine attempt to find her and ask her to have coffee with you. Either one of the first two suggestion you made — hanging out near her class or adding her on social media are fine. If and when you do make contact, let her know you’d like to get to know her better and would she be interested in seeing a movie or having lunch with you on the weekend. Yes, you run the risk of rejection, but you also show her that you’re a man who knows what he wants and is socially adept enough to ask her out! 🙂 I hope that helps! Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

[Sally]

You finally met someone naturally, it felt good, and now you don’t want to mess it up. That makes total sense.
Here’s the honest thing though. Planning a fake coincidence is way more awkward than you think. If she figures it out later, it’ll feel weird, not romantic. And yeah, randomly adding her on Facebook without context can feel off too.

The cleanest move is the simple one. Add her, but send a short message right away. Something like hey, we talked on the bus the other day, hope that’s okay. That shows confidence and honesty, not stalking. If she liked the conversation too, she’ll be glad you reached out. If she doesn’t respond, that’s your answer and you didn’t play games.
Real connections don’t need tricks. They just need a little courage.

[Tara]

You’re scared of rejection, so you’re trying to engineer fate instead of acting like an adult.
Stalking her timetable and “coincidentally” bumping into her is not clever, it’s creepy. Lying about your neighbor renovating? Weak. That’s the behavior of someone who doesn’t trust his own value and needs theatrics to get a second conversation. Women can smell that insecurity instantly.

Adding her on Facebook is not creepy. Pretending to randomly appear in her daily routine absolutely is. One is direct and honest. The other is manipulative and cowardly.
You had one decent conversation. That does not entitle you to a sequel. If she’s interested, a simple message will not scare her away. If she’s not interested, no amount of “accidental” library sightings will change that.

Send a short, normal message. Reference the bus conversation. Say you enjoyed talking and ask if she’d like to grab coffee. No essays. No excuses. No fake coincidence. If she says yes, great. If she ignores you or says no, you move on with your dignity intact.

The real problem isn’t strategy, it’s that you’re treating women like puzzles to solve instead of people who either want to see you again or don’t. Confidence is clarity. Attraction grows from decisiveness, not planning operations.

[Member]

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