[shibbyshan]

I have a guy friend, and we both said we found each other attractive. We got back in touch again recently after a few years. We started talking and flirting, and when i said i liked him more he said he couldn’t see us ending up together, but he liked our friendship and was sexually attracted to me. He then went pretty silent for a week or so, and i said to him okay lets do a no strings attached thing. He came back the next day talking to me, and we started being really suggestive, and said about meeting up to do this. After about 3 days of this, he started to go longer between msgs and i could tell something was up, so we went a whole day without contact, and then i text him and said are you ok and he said yeah just a bad day talk tomorrow, and i got annoyed and said you lead me on and then go silent, do you even care about this friendship, and he said he really does care, but he doesn’t want to be a slut and told me how he had a bad day at work and has family stuff going on. So i feel like we had a pretty good convo and he opened up to me and i said we could always just meet and hang out and if anything happens it happens, and if not then we can just be friends, and he said he liked the idea of that a lot. Then randomly he stops texting me, and i sent him a message today and no reply. I really like this guy, and i want to meet to see if we have a spark there (we have never met, just talked for years), but i don’t get how he randomly goes silent and distant, sometimes goes days without talking to me, but says he cares and wants to hang, but never suggests a day. Yesterday i text him and said i was getting tired of being led on, and he said he wanted to meet before but feels smothered by me and would text me later becoz he was busy at work… and that was yesterday afternoon. Should i assume he wants nothing to do with me now? I said yesterday if you want me to never contact you again just say and i never will and he said he said no i seriously don’t want that? Why? I need closure on this, and i feel i never get it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re getting closure — you’re just not accepting it. He’s made it very clear that he doesn’t want to end up with you. That was closure. You went back to him and offered him sex with no strings attached. He flirted with you, then decided he wasn’t interested, and stopped contacting you. That was closure again. 😉 When you continued to pursue him, he told you you were smothering him. That was more closure. When a guy tells you he’s not interested, and acts like he’s not interested, believe him.

When a guy wants to be with you, he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t. My advice is to move on and find someone who is clearly interested in you. 😉

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[shibbyshan]

Thanks for the reply. I know nothing will happen romantically, i am more so worried i have ruined our friendship. I thought maybe him saying he doesn’t want me to stop talking to him was him not wanting the friendship to end either…or he was just trying to be nice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The truth is that men and women can’t be friends because one person always likes the other one more, at some point, and this creates a kind of dishonesty because the person who likes the other one, is usually trying to leverage friendship into romance — and that’s not how friendship works. Friends are honest with each other, and when one person is trying to get the other one to like them or want them, there’s a different dynamic going on. You’ve already experienced some of that, as well as the discomfort it creates for the other person, and then for you, too. I know you’re worried about having ruined the friendship with this guy, but I don’t think that what you had was a friendship.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[shibbyshan]

What would you suggest doing if he was to contact me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would just ignore the contact, or make an excuse and say you’re busy, but be polite. 😉 There’s no percentage in this for you.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts