[The0ne]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. We really enjoy each others company and we still have that spark.

I knew going into this relationship that we’re both at very different points in our lives. I’m several years older, have a successful career and very independent. She’s still figuring out what she wants to do and doesn’t have a stable job or direction she’s going into. Even now after almost a few years she hasn’t made a lot of progress for her own future. Lately I have been pressured into moving in together by her, this would require us to get our own place.

I know that it’s going to take her quite a bit of time before she may be ready to have a serious future together. Lately she hasn’t been receptive to my advice when I try to push her to decide what she intends for her future. I have pushed myself pretty hard to get to where I am and when I try to give her advice, she seems to have an excuse or believes she’s not as capable as I am.

I started doubting if waiting even longer will be worth it. Seeing my other friends getting into relationships, marriage, and starting families has really got me thinking about my relationship. She tells me she’s ready to have a serious relationship together but if she hasn’t even started a career and has a clear direction of where she’s going, I don’t think she is ready. It’s the only big issue I have right now, not knowing when she will be ready to “me” to have a serious relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[The0ne]

I’m 29 and she is 24.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for the extra information. What you have to decide is what you want for yourself, and at your age, you have to be clear and specific. If you want marriage and children, then it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be someone you should continue to invest in because after three years of dating, in her mid-twenties, she isn’t ready for a “serious” relationship. 😕 It’s very hard to break up with someone when there is no drama, abuse or obvious, acute problem. Incompatibility in one of your deal breaker areas, however, is going to erupt into drama — eventually. If you move in together, now, when she doesn’t have a life path, let alone a career path, you’ll be making a mistake because it appears that you’re hinting at, but not coming out and saying, that you want marriage and a family very soon. At your age, this is normal.

I don’t think you should move in together, and I think you should use this juncture in your relationship to move on and find your Ms. Right, who will have all the good qualities you see in this girlfriend — but more importantly, wants the same future together and has the same goals for life that you do. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts