[Khaleesi]

Hello.

I really need to talk someone about this and m sure m in the right place. Am 23 and my bf is 28. I met my bf online last year. I just came out of a bad relationship and online relationship was wat I needed. He was sweet, calling numerous times daily, using my pic on his dp with declaration of his feelngs for me on his blackberry messenger, making me talk to his friends on phone, helping me financially. But he had this picture of his 1st gf on his fb.. Said they re no more dating. He usually talk about her a lot, how he loved her and she dumped him for another guy. So I asked him to delete her pix from his fb if she’s really an ex, he did. He told me they can’t date and she even ve a baby now for someone else. I believed him. He lives in a different state. I intend moving over to his state permanently in March. So we based our relationship on that.
After 4 months of online dating, I went over to see him in january. I found out he’s being asking out other girls out and dating some as well. I was mad cause he told me he’s dating no one else but me. So he called each of them and introduced me to them as his gf, pleaded with them to talk to me on phone and assure me he’s not dating them..which they did. Promised me now he has seen me, he don’t think he needs any other girl and he want a serious relationship. I didn’t ve sex wtih him during my stay. I noticed however a conversation blw him and a male friend about “his baby”. He xplained it off, that it was just a tease. I was in doubt, so I decided to dig deeper. I left back for my state, then from inquiries discovered his 1st gf has a son for him. Called him up and he told me everything. After she left him for a year, she came back..and they dated for 3 yrs when she got pregnant. That he always knew he can’t marry her. And when she got pregnant, he told her it won’t make him marry her. He had to show her love during the pregnancy but now they re not dating anymore. He sends her allowance for the baby’s upkeep. Their only connection is the baby which she will hand over to him when he’s of age. He’s just 6 months.
Since then he’s being putting efforts to make me trust him. Being very devoted, promise to formally introduce me to his family once I move over. We make plans for the future together and he’s so supportive, caring, loving and romantic. He’s understanding and Respects me so much. Even let me have his fb password. Everything I ve ever wanted in a man. Yet, I cnt shake it off. Why was he not exclusive with me when he told me he was? He said we haven’t met then and he was still trying to select the best. Why date the girl for 3 yrs when you knew you won’t marry her? He said cos that’s the only closest relationship he had and he haven’t found the right one. Why dating other girls when he was dating her?. He said he’s not a cheat and he was only that way cos of how she left him and he haven’t found the girl to be devoted to. Am I right to continue dating him? We ve being quarreling frequently cos I keep bringing his past up. He want me to let it go but I dnt know how.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is not your Mr. Right, and you should not move to be with him — in fact, I don’t think you should date him any more. He’s not an honest person, and he’s playing you just like he has in the past — until you caught him. You can do better, but I’ll answer your specific questions so maybe you can have some more information to help you make a good decision. 😉

[quote]Why was he not exclusive with me when he told me he was? [/quote]

Because he is not an honest person, and he wanted to keep the truth from you so you would continue to date him. He knew that if he was truthful, he might not be able to keep you in the game, so he lied to protect his interests.

[quote]He said we haven’t met then and he was still trying to select the best. [/quote]

He told you that AFTER you caught him dating other women. If you hadn’t caught him, he would have continued that lie. 😳

[quote]Why date the girl for 3 yrs when you knew you won’t marry her? [/quote]

Because he liked dating her without having a commitment.

[quote]He said cos that’s the only closest relationship he had and he haven’t found the right one. Why dating other girls when he was dating her?. [/quote]

Because he wanted to play the field.

[quote]He said he’s not a cheat and he was only that way cos of how she left him and he haven’t found the girl to be devoted to. Am I right to continue dating him?[/quote]

No. You want a long-term, committed relationship, from what I can tell, and he’s not someone who will give that to you.

[quote]We ve being quarreling frequently cos I keep bringing his past up. He want me to let it go but I dnt know how.[/quote]

You do know how — but you don’t want to because your instincts are telling you not to — and they’re right. 😉

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[Khaleesi]

Thanks for the reply. It was honest and insightful.. Just what i needed. Its so hard. Wish theres a way we can make this work.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The real problem is he wants to make it work one way (and not yours) and you want to make it work another way (and not his). You have different relationship goals and you can’t meet them both. This is one of those situations where you have to realize that compromising on your part is never going to make you happy because the compromise he needs will make you permanently unhappy. And he will never compromise because that compromise you want goes against how he wants to live his life. The two of you are incompatible at a very basic level, and your feelings for each other are not enough to make this work. 🙁

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
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[Khaleesi]

Hello April. Thanks for the great job you re doing. Pls I need your honest opinion on this.
I jst started seeing him November last year. He’s funny, nice, sweet and caring. A friend paired us up, that he need a girl to get married to. We hit it off well and he’s been showing seriousness. I was ok with the pairing cos I seem to be attracting complicated guys on my own..bt now I dnt knw anymore. He has introduced me to his parent and siblings and wants me to meet his entire extended family. Pls note, I and him have not kissed or had sex. Well, some days ago he told me somtin happened to him 3 yrs ago and he hated girls. that he caught his gf sleeping wt his close cousin. And blc of that, he does only flings wt girls, But that, he has gotten over the hate now. So, today I was going through his chat and saw a conversation in december, blw him and a guy, asking the guy to arrange another guy, for him to sex..I went to another chat and I saw another conversation, he was telling a guy that he luv his lips and d*ck.. I couldn’t believe it. I confronted him about it, then he admitted he started sleeping with guys 3 yrs ago, said that was the time he hated girls and jst wanted to see what its like to sex a guy. Since then, he’s been doing it once in a while. Knelt down and started crying, swearing with his life and his family that he planed to stop with the new year, that he has never opened up to anyone about this..neither his family or friends. Now m so shocked. From what I ve noticed and found out about him I knw he’s attracted to girls and can have sex wt girls..cos he has exes and some of them dated him for yrs and are still trying to come back. so its like he is bisexual. He said he can stop sleeping with guys cos he wasn’t born wt it, its a habit he jst picked up. I dnt knw if to call it off. I feel bad having to dump him after he has opened up to me..but m really scared..dating and marrying a guy who could sleep wt guys. Pls I need ur opinion on this. Thanks alot

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Luckily, you’ve only invested three months in this guy. Now, it’s time to move on — today! Next!

He’s into guys. In three months he hasn’t kissed you once, and he’s looking for an arranged marriage. C’mon — you can see what’s going on here. Why waste anymore of your time? 😉 You need to buy [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], today! Here’s the link to buy it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] Read it and follow it. You’ve been jumping from one bad relationship to the next, and this book will help you if you’re ready for help! 😀

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[Khaleesi]

Hello April

Thanks for the prompt and honest reply. Really confused on this. For the 3 month thing, I was introduced to him late November when I was away..I didn’t come back home till December ending and I didn’t accept to date him either, told him we can jst be friends and get to know ourselves. We ve been out on about 5 dates, so I don’t knw if that’s why he hasn’t kissed me yet. I had a deep conversation with him about it yesterday and he said he jst have normal strong urges, not like he is sexually attracted to guys. But he was jst curious about how its like to sex a guy and that’s how he developed the habit. Said he doesnt get romantically involved with them, no kiss or bjs..jst sex and he never see them again. Agreed to start counseling on monday. I did a lot of reading online and discovered some straight men do involve in this, for various reasons. Plus I knw he’s nt gay cos, from what I saw, he definitely do get sexually and romantically involved with girls. For the marraige thing? We weren’t going to get married immediately..it was supposed to be a serious relationship that can lead to marraige. At least we were going to court for a year and that was his idea. I doubt he will take that risk if he is gay. M caught blw sticking around for a while and see if he has changed or moving on to start afresh..but I always have a habit of stumbling into pple’s secrets..m scared about the next awful secret I will discover in the next guy

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you have any further questions, I’m happy to answer them. 🙂

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