[Confusedjenn]

My bf (m/18) is confused and wants to be alone after a call from first love (the one that got away). He doesn’t want to get back with her but feels guilty of leaving her too. He says he won’t be happy with me right now. He said he wasnt lying when he said he loved me but he just can’t seem to feel it anymore. When we go on dates he is the perfect gentleman and he used to take care of my needs. Unfortunately he seems emotionally unstable and sometimes take me for granted. After the call from his ex he said he doesn’t want to see me or contact me. I do want to work through this problem but it doesnt feel like he wants to do the same. Is it a good idea to wait and take him back?

[AskApril Masini]

How long have you been dating him?

[Confusedjenn]

For 4 months. We were friends before that. We are the same age. We became close friends really fast and then just got closer.

[AskApril Masini]

Since he’s broken up with you, waiting is a good idea. But you shouldn’t wait by sitting around. You should play the field and see what else is out there for you. If he decides that he’s missing out on a good thing by having let you go, then he’ll come back and try to win you over. If he doesn’t reach that conclusion, then you haven’t wasted your time by waiting idly. I should have asked you about the ex who he’s in touch with now — how long did they date, and when?

[Confusedjenn]

She was the girl he dated before me.she is a year younger than him. They dated for aalmost year before she got into trouble with her family after they found out about the relationship. She got grounded and at first she said they should break up and then she called him saying she wants to continue with it and then after that he waited around for 9 more months without a word from her (she still doesn’t have her phone so there is no way to contact her until she tries to contact him). He decided to not wait around anymore and after a while asked me out. I knew about the situation he was in with his ex ( we were close friends when all this happened). 2 months after we started dating she called again while we were out on a date and he explained to her that he no longer wishes to continue with her and a few days back she called again saying she can’t live without him. So that’s that.

[AskApril Masini]

How much time was there between their break up, and the two of you beginning to date?

[Confusedjenn]

3 months

[Confusedjenn]

Do your think we have a future together because even though it hasn’t been that long I really do love him. At the same time I’m worried if I accept him back he’ll counting to take me for granted

[Confusedjenn]

Continue*
Also all these breakup conversations between us happened through texting mostly and few phone calls. Should I go meet him and talk about this face to face? (Even after he said he doesn’t want to contact me or see me.)

[AskApril Masini]

Hmmmm…. It sounds like you’re a rebound girlfriend, since he was only broken up for three months before the two of you started dating, and after two months of dating you, she called him and they began contact again. Two months later, he broke up with you. So, the time between his breaking up with her and dating you was not very long, and the two of you didn’t date for very long. The other problem is that they broke up because of her family constraints — not because they didn’t care for each other. In other words, they still had feelings for each other but she wasn’t allowed to date him. It sounds like he’s really not done with her. 😳 I don’t think you should contact him — he’s broken up with you, so that’s done. 🙁 I do think you should move on. I know you really care about him, but the two of you didn’t date for that long, and he’s into his ex. You’ll do a lot better if you focus your energy elsewhere. Waiting for him, going to see him to break up in person after he’s already made the break up clear on the phone and text, and pining for him aren’t going to get you anywhere good. I know it’s disappointing when someone breaks up with you and it’s not your choice, but if you take care of yourself, stay busy, see friends, and look for someone new to date, you’ll feel a lot better soon enough. Promise. 🙂

[Confusedjenn]

I guess I should do that. Thankyou so much!!

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. I’m sorry that this is disappointing, but it’s going to help you to be realistic about his situation. With time, you’ll know where he stands, but I don’t want you to waste your time, waiting for him to figure out his life. Live yours! If he wants you, he’ll be back. If he wants her, he’ll get back with her. Either way, you’ll know, eventually, but you’re not a victim if you choose not to be one. Live well, and see what happens! 🙂

[Sally]

Right now, he’s emotionally unavailable. Not because you did anything wrong, but because his heart is tangled up somewhere else. When someone says they can’t feel love right now, wants no contact, and doesn’t want to work through it with you, that’s not a pause that’s a step away.

The call from his ex didn’t create this. It just brought it to the surface. He’s confused, guilty, and unstable, and instead of leaning into the relationship, he’s choosing distance. You can’t fix that by waiting perfectly or loving harder.

Waiting only makes sense if both people are working toward each other. Right now, it’s one-sided. Protect your heart. Let him take his space, but don’t promise yourself to someone who can’t show up for you. If he comes back, it should be with clarity not confusion.
You deserve steadiness, not silence.

[Member]

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