[Cassie0789]

I really love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost a half year now but we’ve known each other since grade school. We’re both now young adults (21 & 22). We didn’t talk for approximately 4 years after high school until he added me on Facebook one day in the summer and we’ve been talking ever since. He told me the only reason he made a Facebook was to get into contact with me again. I really didn’t know what I was getting into when I first started dating him but now its too late. Like I said I’m already head over heels.

Why he’s insecure:
1. He won’t let me talk to any of my ex-boyfriends (I can understand that).
2. He also won’t let me talk to any of my guy friends that I had feelings for or that I was really good friends with all throughout high school.
3. He found my old Tumblr site that I had posted pictures of half naked fit celebrities and threw a fit over it.
4. He really believes that he is never good enough and I can’t convince him that he is.

Why he’s controlling:
1. He won’t let me drink alcohol anymore (not even one sip of beer).
2. He won’t let me smoke anything either but that doesn’t matter because I quit anyway.
3. He always wants to know what I’m doing and who I’m with.
4. He really doesn’t like any of my friends that I have left but he told he would try and give them a chance if we ever spent time with any of them.

I’m just not sure what to do anymore. Does it sound like my relationship is out of hand or unhealthy? I am pretty happy with him except for all the boundaries he’s set. Obviously I would do almost anything for him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re listing a lot of problems that are going to get worse as you get older and invest more time in the relationship. 😳 Insecurity isn’t a very attractive quality, but I probably don’t have to tell you that! When it gets rampant, it results in controlling behavior. Unless your boyfriend is willing to change his behavior, he’s going to drive you away.

Your part in this is enabling him to be controlling. When you talk about his not allowing you to drink or talk to certain men, you’re basically going along with this behavior, and so you play a part in this unhealthy dynamic. When you agree with his terms, you’re partly responsible for this relationship.

I know you’re in love with him, but eventually, if you don’t change your own behavior, you’re going to feel so trapped and angry that you’ll act out. Now is the time to understand that feelings are one thing, but compatibility is just as important in relationships. You can love someone, but understand that for whatever reason, they aren’t compatible with you and therefore, not Mr. Right. I think that’s what you have here.

I hope that helps Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Cassie0789]

the only ones he gotten over so far is me looking at pictures of fit celebrities is that a start?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s only a start [i]if[/i] he keeps on going. I think that the list of controlling behaviors you mentioned is pretty formidable and the fact that he’s so young means that he probably doesn’t have the self awareness or maturity to understand that if he doesn’t change his behavior, this problem will follow him from one failed relationship to another. 😳

I don’t think that this is going to work out for you. I’m sorry.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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