[ben2603]

she is with another guy cause I couldn’t commit but since I understood that he has committed to marry her, I decided to go ahead with proposing, cause she is the one and I know that. But now she says its too late and that she has decided to go ahead with him. although she know he may not be the ideal guy. Now she is back on holidays and should I get in touch or just let it be and ignore her. what do I have to do to win her back. I know she misses me but just that with the family and all she feels its just complicated with me. How and what should I do. I feel I should just ignore her and let her be and just say no when she says she wants to meet for coffee or dinner or come over to my place.

what shd I do

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more. 😉

How old are you both? How long did the two of you date before she broke up with you?

As soon as you respond, I’ll give you my advice. 🙂

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[ben2603]

I am 44 male and she is 28 female this year, I am Mixed race and she is Chinese decent. I am divorced and we started 4 years tog and broke up recently.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Got it! Thanks for filling me in — that helps. 😀

Most women of a certain age, would like to have a committed relationship that leads to marriage, and when you didn’t propose after four years, it sounds like she got the message that you weren’t interested in marriage — to her, anyway. That’s why she moved on, and found a man who wanted the same thing she does: marriage. That you proposed [i]because[/i] she left probably feels insincere to her. 😳 She’s probably thinking that you are only proposing because you don’t want to lose her, and she’s wondering why you didn’t propose to her when she was committed to you, in the relationship.

You mentioned something about your family being complicated for her — I’m not sure if you mean that you have children, and that possibly being a stepmother is complicated for her, or if your parents are difficult for her.

All that said, if you want to win her over, then you should definitely give it a shot, but you’re going to have to let her know why you waited four years, and for her to break up with you and get engaged to someone else, for you to pop the question. She’s going to have to be convinced that the reason you had was a good one, or else, if you feel that you made a mistake and only now just realize it, apologize in a big way. Basically, you’re going to have to pull out all the stops and work on winning her over. And if you really do want to marry her, make it super clear, and don’t let a proposal now, look like a hollow gesture. Make it sincere — if, in fact, it is. 😉

I hope that helps!

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