[samievantroyen]

i need advice on my relationship
i met this guy when i was very young, he was from a different country and after seeing each other on regular base for about two years he moved here, at the age of 19 i had his child ( we were dating for about 4 years here, and he was 23 at that time) we had a very good relationship, but because of his job he was traveling a lot, which had put a huge pressure on our relationship. he was a well known man carreerwise and i had to deal with all the attention that came with it, when he cheated on me i had a lot of anger towards him and for about a year our relationship was nothing more than us arguing and being very violent with each other, no matter what we still loved each other but decided it’d be for the best if we broke up. it was a very rough and emotional time we didnt speak to each other for a year. last summer me and my son went to see him and as soon as i got back in the country we stayed in touch the more we talked to more we grew towards each other and we started regretting not trying hard enough and realized what we gave up on. we haven’t been dating other people and it feels like were still not over each other. last week me and my son went back there and again as soon as i got back home we had a conversation about the past and it became the same conversation as usual, how we should have given up, how we can’t stop thinking how it would be if it was still the 3 of us, how we do love each other but are also scared of it being the same old.so from what i could feel he feels the same way i do, which is wanting it back to the old. so now I’m in the annoying situation of not knowing what to do. should i give it another try? how should i tell him i wanna give it another try ( as he asked me to sort my head out and figure out what i really want ) where do we start from there on. and how do we make it better this time. i could really use some advice

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It isn’t clear if he’s actually asked you to get back together or not. If he has, then I think you should give it a try because you have a child together and you seem to have feelings for each other — but you have to really understand what went wrong the first time, and how you are going to do things differently this time around. But if he hasn’t really asked you to get back together again, you’re in the position of wanting to get back together with him, but not really having been asked. If this is the case, then you really need to treat him like a guy you want to date again — because that is what you want. Be the flirtatious and wonderful woman he can’t live without — and he won’t be able to. 😉

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[samievantroyen]

Yes indeed you made a point there.he never really asked me to get back together. but i also don’t think he will ask, he’s ashamed of how he was towards me during the last year of our relationship and from what i can feel he’s more like ‘ its what ever you decide ‘ from earlier conversations it was clear it was what he wanted we had several conversations how he went on about ‘ feeling bad it went sour, wishing it didnt, it always being on his mind how it would have been if he didnt do what he did and we were still with him, but how he is scared of it going bad again’ i think the ball is on my side but I’m not sure how to bring this subject up again, and not sure how to deal with it, as we are in a very unusual situation and live in different countries, so theres no easy way and we cant really be like ‘ okay lets start going on a few dates and see from there on’

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I didn’t realize that you live in different countries. 😕

It really sounds like he’s just not that interested in getting back together. If he wants to, he will. Don’t put too much stock in what he says or in what you think he feels, when his behavior doesn’t match up. He may say or give you the impression he feels one way, but the reality is, he isn’t interested in you[i] enough[/i] to do anything about it. 😳

Instead, focus on the future, and finding someone who will be a good partner for you now. That means someone who is available and wants to date you! 😉

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