[ofrv9]

Well my girlfriend and i have been datin for almost 1 year now,and almost this entire time we’ve been very close close to each other,we used to spend a lot of time together and do almost everything together.We.ve had a lot of fights throught this time,but we always solve every single problem we have.
But 1 problem that we havent been able to solve is that it bothers me that she has a friendship with her ex.They dated for like 3 years,and she broke up with him because supposively she didnt love him any more…but about 3 months ago he started talking to her again,and he started inviting her to dinners and always texting her ,and i didnt like that,we almost broke up because she said she couldnt stop talking to him because he means a lot for her and that he’s like a brother,and because their relationship made me uncomfortable she couldnt decide what to do and said that she wanted to do whatever she wants whenever she wants witout anyone telling her anything….but now they’re like best friends,and he still invites her to dinners,but if i ask if i could come with them,she says that he might feel uncomfortable because he was her boyfriend,,wtf????,she cares for what he feels,but she doesnt care for what i feel..but she still says that he’s just a friend….and lately she asked for me to give her more space,beacuse she says she needs it,and that we cant spend as much time together anymore,she gets upset over any little detail,she has no patience,and she acts indifferent around me,,,and she told me that i should change how i am because a lot of stuff i do or say bother her,, but she wants ME to change,but she wont change anything that bothers me,,and she said that if someone really love another person,they would change,but why doesnt she changes too?? why just me??? and like i said,she wants her space,she doesnt want to spend as much time together any more,she is indefferent with me and that i should change..my question is: DOES SHE STILL LOVE ME???????? she says she does,but it doesnt lokk like it
IS SHE REALLY OVER HER EX???
IS SHE LOSING INTEREST IN ME??????

IM VERY CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[heavens_heart]

Dear confused,
I’m sorry to hear that your relationship is having problems. Most of us who care about our relationships dread about the day when we are going through tough times in the relationship so it is normal for you to be concerned. Though it is also normal to have tough times in your relationship. Relationships arent always going to be perfect even though most of wish for that. Just know that it cant always be kisses, hugs and beautiful words.It can only be as good as you BOTH make it, yes sometimes its going to hurt and you BOTH can be as happy as you want to be, but you BOTH gotta make it work. I understand your feelings about her being friends with her ex and spending time with him. You have a right to disagree with that and feel the way you feel. If she was in your position Im pretty sure she wouldnt appreciate it either. I just started dating my boyfriend around four months ago and a few months before I met him I was seeing my bestfriend I knew for years since highschool, things between us became distant and we stopped talking. I then found out he might have some girl pregnant so after hearing that news I moved on and met the guy Im with now. Long story short my bestfriend heard that I was seeing someone and tried to get in contact with me. I told him that I was sorry how things ended up between us but I was in a serious relationship now and didnt feel that it was right for me to still talk to someone I had a past with and I wouldnt appreciate it if my boyfriend was talking to a girl he had a past with either. Also, that it would make things complicated in our relationship and I wasnt willing to risk that. It does seem obvious that she still has feelings for ex. I feel that it is wrong for her to disregard your feelings and still talk to her ex. It is obvious that she is only thinking of her feelings. It is also wrong of her to be concerned with her exs feelings and to put his feelings first before yours because when the two of you got into the relationship you both made a commitment to eachother and it seems that she isnt handling her end of the commitment to you and yalls relationship. Im sure that she still loves you. Also, anyone that says they dont love their exs anymore is a lie. Dont get me wrong it might not be the same strong love that they used to have but there is still love in their heart for them because they were once a part of their life and who they are now. The best advice I can give to you is to talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel and what it is doing to your relationship. Sometimes people overlook things and dont see what is happening so you have to make them aware of it. Most importantly follow your heart and mind.

I hope everything works out for you and I hope what I said helps a little and if you have any more concerns Im happy to help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re carrying a lot of confusion, hurt, and frustration, and it’s completely understandable given what you’ve described. Your girlfriend’s behavior insisting on maintaining close contact with her ex while asking for space from you, and expecting you to change while refusing to consider your feelings signals a serious imbalance in the relationship. Love alone isn’t enough to sustain a partnership; respect, compromise, and mutual consideration are equally essential. Right now, it seems like your emotional needs are being sidelined, which is bound to create resentment and confusion over time.

Regarding her feelings for her ex, it’s possible that she still has some emotional attachment. Even if she doesn’t feel romantic love the way she did in the past, the closeness and history they share can make it difficult for her to set boundaries. Her prioritizing his comfort over yours especially when it comes to spending time together suggests she may not fully recognize or value the impact this is having on you. A relationship where one partner consistently puts their own desires or someone else’s feelings above their significant other’s is unsustainable in the long run.

The key here is communication and self-respect. You need to have an open, honest conversation about how her actions affect you and the future of your relationship. Explain calmly that her ex’s involvement and the lack of mutual compromise make you feel undervalued and hurt. Pay attention to her response if she refuses to make changes, take your feelings seriously and consider whether staying in this relationship is truly in your best interest. Love should feel like a partnership, not a source of constant pain and confusion.

[Member]

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