[rocky]

I have being seeing my guy for about 7 months now, we arent boyfriend and girlfriend yet and I dont know why. This month, I recieved a message from his ex-girlfriend through a social media telling me things like I am the skunk etc, basically insulting me because I am with him. So I told my guy about the situation and he has said to me a couple of times to let him handle the situation because he knows her and I dont. But the thing is I dont trust his word, I want to trust him but there are just so things that the ex-girlfriend to me that has made not trust, because I dont know who to believe. This is the first time this kind of stuff happens to me, I have never had a boyfriend, I am 19, my guy and his ex are 24 years old. I really do love him, I really need help in how to handle the situation. I really dont want to lose him, I need help to get the ex- out of my way.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, it sounds like you and this guy have been dating for about seven months, and his ex is bothering you on social media. I know it’s normal to want to defend yourself, and this is a new situation for you, but here’s the deal: This ex-girlfriend of his is trying to stir up drama, and if you engage her, she will have done what she set out to do. My advice is to block her from your social media, and ignore her. Focus on your goal, which is having a healthy, romantic relationship with the guy you’re dating, and don’t buy into the drama that his ex is trying to stir up. I know you don’t trust him to handle the situation, but I think you should try to let him do what he says he’s going to do. If you don’t give him the opportunity to do so, you’ll have gone against what he wants, stirred the pot and upped the drama, and allowed your focus to stray from what’s happy and healthy with him. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[rocky]

Oh my god. I really want to thank you so much for your advice… I feel so relieved and more secure now.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so glad! 😀

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[rocky]

Now something happened, I was so frustrated of getting a good explanation or answers of what is going and he didnt wanna tell me. He said to me to drop it. But I kept insisting ( pacience and I dont get along at ALL) so we had a fight and we havent talked, I texted him some things that I regret because I was frustrated and angry, so I texted him: “I have been with you, getting to know each other etc,for 7 months now and I have been here waiting for something to happen, and yet it hasnt, so I really want to know if you still love me or not, if you something with me or not? Cuz I am not going to just sit and wait for you to decide to in another 7 months.” I totally regret it. But he called me to kinda fix it but I was too mad at myself for not controlling my anger and at him because he wouldnt tell me. I want to give him his space to think and be secure at what we had. I have heard of the No Contact Rule, which means no texting, no FB, no calling etc. Should I do that, what do you suggest? I wanna do things right this time and if it includes modifying my anger issues, I will certainly do it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

And where do you want the relationship to be that it isn’t yet?

Those are two important questions — but not as important as the answers! In a relationship, around the six month mark, you should decide if you want to be monogamous, and it sounds like the two of you are. I’m not sure what you want that you aren’t getting in the relationship — or if you’re just trying to stir up drama because that’s your nature…. ? Fill me in.

Obviously, you shouldn’t have to ask a man you’re dating how the relationship is going or where it’s going — because you already know. If you have to ask, it’s usually not going where you want it to be going. 😕 Forcing any guy to have “the talk” about the relationship, is a mistake. Men hate talking about the status of the relationship, and when they’re asked to have that talk it’s usually because the woman doesn’t like where things are. 🙁

Giving ultimatums is another mistake. Telling him you’re not going to wait for him to decide in seven months, was giving him an ultimatum. It’s putting him on notice that you’ve got a goal and if he doesn’t meet it, there’s going to be trouble. That’s why I asked what your ages and goals are.

As for no contact and space — I think you have some damage control to do if you want to stay in the relationship. If you do, you have to lighten up and understand that if he wants more, you’ll know it because he’ll show you, and if he doesn’t, you’ll know as well. Getting him to want more has a lot to do with being the girlfriend you want to be, enticing him, sweetening the pot — not trying to beat a commitment out of him. 😉 It won’t work.

You might want to buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to win with men. It’s going to give you a lot of tips and advice for dating. 🙂 Here’s the link where you can get it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Hope that helps!

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[rocky]

So in other words, I shouldnt do the No Contact Rule at all? He is 24 and I am 19.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for your ages. That helps a lot. 😀

Do you know what you want from the relationship? You didn’t answer that. Some 19 year olds are looking to get married. Others are looking to play the field. And others are looking for a monogamous relationship. It sounds like you have the latter, so what, exactly, is that you want from him that you feel you don’t have? You said that you didn’t want to wait 7 more months — but for what, exactly? I think if you can answer that, that will help me give you a better answer. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that you’re feeling insecure and frustrated because the relationship hasn’t moved to a clearly defined status yet, and the ex-girlfriend drama is amplifying your anxiety. April is right that engaging with his ex will only give her the reaction she’s looking for. Blocking her and focusing on your own relationship is the healthiest step, even if it’s hard to trust him completely right now.

Your frustration and anger are understandable, especially at 19 when this is your first relationship, but giving ultimatums or demanding a “talk” about the relationship often backfires. It puts the pressure on him and can make him withdraw rather than commit. Relationships develop naturally when both people feel attracted and motivated, not when one person feels forced.

The idea of giving space or “no contact” isn’t about punishing him; it’s about regaining your own composure, letting your emotions settle, and allowing him to respond to you from a place of choice rather than pressure. Use this time to reflect on what you truly want whether it’s clarity, exclusivity, or a defined commitment and how you can show him your value as a partner without demanding it.

The key is to focus on behavior over words. If he genuinely wants a monogamous relationship with you, he’ll demonstrate it through his actions spending time with you, prioritizing you, and showing consistent interest not just by verbal promises. Let him show his commitment, while you work on controlling your impatience and maintaining your own self-respect. This approach builds a stronger foundation for the relationship rather than escalating conflict.

[Tara]

You’re not his girlfriend after seven months because he doesn’t see you as one. If a man wants you, he claims you. He doesn’t leave you floating in some half-baked “situationship” while his ex feels bold enough to crawl into your messages and insult you. Her behavior isn’t the problem; his boundaries are. She’s acting like she still has access because he’s letting her. And you’re sitting here confused because you’re hoping love will magically fix what clarity should have already told you.

You say you “want to trust him,” but you don’t. And you shouldn’t. Not when the evidence contradicts his words. A man who’s truly done with an ex makes it unmistakably clear, and she doesn’t waste her time attacking the new woman because there is no opening left for her. The fact that she’s coming at you means he left the door cracked open, and you’re pretending not to notice.

Stop worrying about “losing him.” You can’t lose someone who was never fully yours. The only thing you can lose is more time, dignity, and self-respect by clinging to a man who can’t even give you a title.

Your move is simple: tell him he either defines the relationship and shuts down his ex with actual boundaries, or you walk. No crying, no pleading, no performing loyalty he hasn’t earned. If he chooses ambiguity, that’s your answer, and the ex is the least of your problems.

[Sally]

Someone coming at you like that especially someone older would shake anybody. And it’s hard to trust a guy when his past is suddenly loud in your face like this.

But here’s the thing… this isn’t your fight. You didn’t date her. You didn’t break up with her. You didn’t cause whatever drama she’s carrying around. That’s on them, not you. And if he really wants something with you, he needs to handle it in a way that makes you feel safe, not confused.

You don’t have to go after her or try to “get her out of the way.” Just tell him once, calmly, that you need honesty and clarity from him. Then step back and watch what he actually does.
When a guy wants you, he protects the space between you. You shouldn’t have to fight for it.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re feeling a lot of anxiety and uncertainty about your relationship. You care deeply about him, and the fact that he’s older and has experience with his ex understandably makes you feel insecure. It’s natural to want reassurance, but the issue isn’t about mistrusting him specifically, it’s about learning to trust the process of a relationship and not trying to force a status or timeline. Your frustration and anger are completely normal feelings, but expressing them through ultimatums or repeated questioning can unintentionally push him away, even when your intentions are pure.

The key thing I notice is that your desire for clarity asking him if he loves you, if he wants more comes from a place of not knowing what to expect. At 19, this is a new experience, and it’s okay to feel impatient. But April’s advice points to an important distinction: relationships progress because both people are willing and ready, not because one person pressures the other. Giving him space doesn’t mean ignoring him or punishing him. it means allowing him to show his commitment through actions rather than words forced under stress. That’s how trust and confidence in the relationship grow naturally.

Your focus should be on building a secure, positive dynamic with him, rather than controlling the timeline or outcome. You can’t make him commit faster, but you can work on being calm, supportive, and enticing the partner you want to be. This includes managing your frustration, expressing your feelings without ultimatums, and letting him demonstrate his love and dedication in his own way. No Contact as a strict rule isn’t necessary here; what matters is balance: giving him space while staying emotionally grounded and confident in yourself. This approach will strengthen the connection and reduce anxiety, rather than creating tension between you two.

[Member]

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