[Anonymous]

Hi,

Here is my situation that im really struggling to deal with. I recently found my soulmate 6 months ago, we both love each other so very much, actually what we both feel we have goes way beyond love, its a complete spiritual connection, we cant stop thinking about one another, and we both are as one when we are together. Its hard to write in words how we both feel about each other, but we both have never ever ever felt like this about anyone before and we are both 30.

The Problem is, I have known her for 17 years and she has been a great friend but she is married to another good friend of mine with 2 kids. I loved her in high school but was 2 scared to tell her because I thought she would never go for me, and as I found out recently she felt the same way about me but was also to scared to tell me. She has been with her husband for 13 years and it was me who got them together in the first place all those years ago, If it wasnt for me they wouldnt be together at all. They have split once for a year or so but got back together and now have been married for 2 years with the 2 kids. I was also best man at there wedding.

Now for the last 2months we have been intimate with each other, having an affair together, and we are both not that type of people to do that, but I guess now we have done it, we are, Its just that we are both drawn together by a love so strong, so powerful that we feel we cant be with out each other. We have tried to end this relationship a few times but always end up coming back to one another, She has said she will give it all up to be with me, but her family dont want her to and some of her friends have said she cant either, She has said she only feels herself with me and is only truly happy with me but her family want her to work on her marriage which has been rocky for a while now.

I have recently tried to be the strong one and stopped all the physical stuff and told her to give her marriage another shot and to be free from me even tho I know how she feels and what she wants and how much it hurts us but we always keep coming back to each other. I cant stop thinking about her and she cant stop thinking about me and I cant stop crying knowing that I have always loved her and I would do anything for her and to be so close to being with her and living our perfect life together as one which we have talked about so many times it just hurts that we love each other so very much but we seem to be stuck as to what to do, she is all I care about, we cant stop chatting, smsing and talking to each other, and we just keep coming back to us.

We also are not sure if she does leave her husband for me how he will react, of course he will be upset and angry but it could get nasty and physical towards both of us, after all I was best man at his wedding and I have signed their marriage certificate…..

All we know is we both love each other so very very much, and it even goes way beyond love, we feel we are spiritually connected, we think the same things, say the same things its just a feeling and a love that we feel is nothing that words can explain!.

thank you and I look forward to your help!!

JPP

[shyguy]

I understand this line to be quite generic, however, -put ur self in his shoes.- he was your best man, you have two kids with her, you’ve been working on a marriage for 13 years in a world were divorce is about 55%, and for the rest of your life, or however long their relationship lasts. you are gonna remember all the good times you had with your wife, and imagine the best man instead of you. Its like you’ve done the hard work and another man harvests the fruits of ur labor.
I think you know the answer to this. I believe you know waht to do. Sometimes its the [i]will[/i] to do waht we must thats amiss. Remember you aren’t living with her, therefore you are only experiencing the good. You have to experience the good the bad and the ugly, not as 17 year old friendship, but as a marriage. That’s different.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reply,

Oh man, its just so hard, I know what your saying, put myself in his shoes, and yes, its terrible for me to think how bad and shocking it would be for him. I know we shouldn’t have even done this in the first place but its just so hard when we both feel the way we do, We both admit we have always loved each other from the day we meet 17years ago, and to finally be able to tell each other how we felt was just amazing, i have no words to describe the love that we feel for each other, as I said its more than that, its way way way beyond just love. Its just so dam hard to let go and go back to being just friends when we both know how we feel, when we try and do that, and believe me we have many many times it just hurts us both so much and we feel so empty and lifeless when it happens, I know what is right to do but does love really have no boundaries??

thankyou again.

J PP

[Ask April Masini]

We can sit here and debate love for hours, but I think the important point here has not been mentioned: two children who will be victims of a broken family if you continue to chip away at her marriage. 😳 It’s well and good to talk about your love for her, her love for you, the husband involved — but the children are the ones who will get hurt most, and you need to make that your priority — not your own feelings.

She’s not going to leave her husband — if she wanted to, she would have already. But seeing each other behind her husband’s back is going to lead to him finding out eventually and then the kids will get all of the worst fallout.

If you really believe that you are soul mates, then I trust that you also believe you will always be connected to each other, so use that tenet to not see her any more until her children are 18 and out of the house as legal adults. At that time, if she wants to leave her husband she won’t do as much damage to her children as she would now. So wait and step away from the curb — it’s good for your soul! 🙂

I hope that helps and opens your mind a little to others who are unknowingly involved in this.

Join me on Facebook — I’d love to see you there at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

Hi April, thanks for your reply.

Yes you are right, the kids are the very important thing here in this whole situation, Me and her have talked about this on many times and I come from a broken home myself so I know what it is like. One of the things she finds hard to deal with is sticking with a marriage with a guy she doesnt love anymore just for the sake of the kids, and I have mentioned to her that her love for her kids is worth it, Its just very hard.

And yes, we are 100% certain we are soulmates, and have talked about it alot knowing that we will have this bond for the rest of our lives, its such a strong feeling, both of us have never felt anything like it before and I used to look at people saying that and not believe it but now, I certainly do!!.

So I guess if we have to wait another 16 years to be together then so be it, We both know we always have loved each other and always will, and nothing will ever ever change that ever!!. But what do I do for 16 years?, Do i sit around waiting because I honestly feel I cannot love anyone as much as I love her, I just know that for a fact!!

thanks again, here from you soon!

J PP

[Ask April Masini]

I’m glad you get my point here, and that I was able to help. 🙂 In answer to your question about what do you do for the next 16 years — the answer is that you live your life. Do positive things. Focus on living a positive life.

It will probably help her take care of her children and her husband — who is their father — if you step away from that situation. She needs to find her own way in her marriage and in parenting her children. And you need to focus on your own life — which I’m sure is very full.

I hope that helps.

Join me here, [url][/url], on Facebook. I’d love to have you participate there. 😀

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