[FightClub101]

Dear April,

I’m not sure what brought me to your site but for some reason I felt that you may have a unique perspective on something happening in my life and I appreciate any and all advice.

To frame the question and what it’s about; Exactly a year ago I met woman playing an online video game through a chat room, we initially became penpals and eventually went from playing the game online to talking more through myspace/facebook, it was apparent at the time that there was something unique between us and over the course of a year we became good friends. She was married when we first started talking and let me know that up front but it was obvious that she and her husband had marital problems and to be quite honest from the sound of it, the marriage was not going much further than it was, she’s in her early 20’s and only married for four years.

Throughout everything we became closer friends, spending more time talking about life, goals, experiences and I’d always look at things from a certain perspective, I never thought of her as anything more than just a friend but as time went on it was obvious we both developed emotional feelings for each other and she eventually let her husband know that she wanted to move on with her life at some point and that they weren’t going to last much longer. Sometimes you can just feel when you’ve met someone special, someone who lights up your day after you talk to each other and we were those kind of friends.

She let me know somewhere in the the middle of talking to each other as months went on that I gave her a lot of strength to move forward with things in her life, gave her confidence from listening to my take on the world and how I handle it and wasn’t until she met me that she started to consider where she was going, she was simply existing and not truly living, I encouraged her to take chances, stand up for herself and be heard, follow her dreams, because it’s what I do.

I get to travel every now and then and decided to meet up with her since she was on the way on one of my trips, At first she decided it wasn’t a good idea because her husband is emotionally/verbally abusive, cheated on her multiple times and has a few psychological problems and she was afraid it might cause drama if I was in the same place, something I always respected about her, she never brought me into her problems, only told me about them but never involved me.

We eventually came to a compromise to meet up at a location that would be out of the element for both of us, which worked out well since my friends were in the same area in case there was any problems. She drove two hours from her area to come see me. Neither one of us knew what would happen upon first meeting, we both emotionally fell for each other but didn’t know how that would translate into meeting up and within minutes of seeing each other, it was amazing, the chemistry was instant and the night was quite literally spectacular, to the point of which it just happened and ended up in a hotel together. It was the first time I truly felt in passionately in love, as did she.

In the moment, we both knew it was wrong even though she was technically separated from her husband but at the same time it just happened, one of those fight or flight things. She had never done anything like that before and was surprised at how much she let herself go that night.

After that night, I drove up to another state and hadn’t heard from her in a week, so I decided on my way back home to surprise at her work, unfortunately she wasn’t there and when I let her know I was in town to say ‘Hi’ for a bit, she told me felt uncomfortable about that night and that she ‘let me down’ and that she knew in her heart what she did was wrong and that what she did wasn’t honoring to God and that she didn’t think this was right for her.

She is a strong Christian woman and faith leads her, she did go on to say she had a amazing night with me. She said she needed to grow apart from me to figure herself out because she feels that she wants the right reasons to leave her husband and that her feelings for me will influence her decision, basically she wants to leave him because God has shown her why, not because of an amazing man standing there.

When I heard that, I told her I understood and I would give her space. I didn’t want to press the point and I just continued my journey home, when I returned she literally deleted her social network sites and ways of contact.

So April, my question is, what is your take on what you’ve heard? How do you think she’s feeling? Where do you think we’ll go from here? And what do you think I should do? It’s been frustrating to let go of everything.

I’m confused because I miss my friend, even though we naturally went from emotional feelings to physical attraction, I would love to just hear from her again, I just don’t know what to do. Should I contact her at some point? Or just try to let things go? At the end of the day, I’ll always miss my friend, no matter what happens.

This is a rather long piece and I hope to hear from you, I was very inspired by some of your other responses.

-FightClub101

[Ask April Masini]

The internet is a wonderful tool in relationships, but it’s not a good place to conduct an entire relationship — or most of it. What you had was an internet relationship that went on for months, and then one date where you slept with a married woman. Now, she’s not interested any more and is still married.

I think that you should let go of any hope of this turning into a real relationship. For future, you should look for someone who’s available. She wasn’t available, and you led yourself to believe she was soon to be. You took a risk that didn’t pay off.

I know you miss “your friend”, but the reality is that she’s not really a real life friend. She was was an internet friend that you only met up with in real life once. The difference is that real life friends allow you into more of their lives and get to know more of yours. Silly little things like, if they’re late or early, what they like to do and experiencing those events with them, and how they interact with other people that you can actually witness are all parts of building friendship and romantic relationships. The internet leaves out so much of what goes into a real life friendship. Use the internet to meet people, and as a tool, but not to conduct the bulk of the relationship. I think you’d benefit from reading a book I wrote called Date Out of Your League, for men. You can buy it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I hope this helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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