[coolbeans]

I’ve always had a hard time getting dates with woman. My sister told me I’m too agressive and I need to be laid back, “let her come to me”. Now I don’t understand how that’s suppose to work when me, a man, must make the first move and chase girls. Sounds like a contradiction. Is my sister right? If so, how I’m I supoose to chase a girl, make the first move but allow her to come to me?

[AskApril Masini]

It doesn’t sound, from the little you’ve written me, that your sister is right…. but I don’t really know what you’re doing to get dates, that she feels is too aggressive. I also don’t know how old you are, how often you’re getting shot down, and how often you’re getting the dates you want. Fill me in a little more, and I’ll give you better advice. 😀

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[coolbeans]

I’m 22 and never had a gf or even been on a date (go ahead make fun of me). I don’t get shot down often because I’d say 90 percent of girls I talk to have bf, of course I don’t know if they do. One time I started talking to a girl that knew my sister and she shot me down because I liked her. I remember her saying that. She told my sister about our conversation and that’s when my sister told me the advice. I’m being to forward is another way to say it. As for what I do to get dates is when I like a girl I talk to her when I get an opportunity and have small talk introduce myself and try to have fun, be playful. I’m not afraid to ask a girl out or tell her I like her if its technically too early for that but I don’t like to waste time. So I hope I’ve given you the info you wanted. What do i need to do or change?

[AskApril Masini]

Boy, it sounds like you’re doing a lot right. 😀 But…. you have to understand that dating is a numbers game, and just like in sports — you have to ask a lot of women out in order to get a yes, or to find that special someone. The best ball players strike out a lot, but we all remember the grand slam — not the strikes. Of course, you can increase your odds by doing some things like looking great, having a great life and knowing what women want so that you can be the guy who will give it to them, making them want you! Also, ask women out on dates when you meet them doing things you already have in common, whether it’s as simple as frequenting the same coffee shop, going to the same gym, or doing volunteer work at the same place. I think you’re on the right track — just remember the numbers game, and keep working on YOU to improve your investment and make yourself more attractive to others. 😉

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[coolbeans]

There’s one more thing I’d like advice on. The person you see yourself with in your head, is that really important? My parents got divorce when I was at a young age and I said to myself I want a wife of my own and I want done right. So in my head I visuallize the relationship and the woman I see myself with. Sometimes I feel that I’m shooting beyond the stars and what’s in my head is not possible to be a reality. Some people say I should go out with this girl and that girl just because she’s single, nice, or whatever but I don’t act desperate and go out with any girl just because I’m lonely. I know what the woman I want to be with, unfortunitly i’ve made some miscalculations along the way, but as you said you can’t strike out forever. Does what you visualize in your head really matter?

[AskApril Masini]

Yes, it does! But it’s also a good idea to temper what your ideal in your head is, with what you learn about yourself each day. 😉 In addition, know what your deal breakers are — for instance, if you want to be with someone who’s a certain religion, or energy level or career path — and you know in your heart that you’ll never end up with someone who isn’t your religion or of a certain career path, then don’t waste your time with them. 😉

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