[Isabella1678]

Hi April,
I’m sorry this is kinda a long story. I started dating a guy in the beginning of March. Everything was going well. I was seeing him 3-4 days a week. He drives 50+ miles one way to see me. (I offered to drive to see him but he insists he likes to come to me.) He initiates contact 95% of the time. Things seem to be going well. We have a lot in common. There appeared to be chemistry both ways. He’s also very gentlemanly. Then about 3 weeks in we were still talking/texting every day but he didn’t make any effort to see me. He said he was tired from the previous week driving up to see me and he works crazy hours to boot. I thought no big deal. We had plans on Saturday for a day time date. He shows up for our excursion. Everything seems to go well. We had fun and then when we were through 2 hours later he walks me to my front door gives me a hug and kiss and leaves. After not seeing him all week I kinda expected to spend a good part of the day with him. Then Monday he asks me to dinner. After dinner we are relaxing and out of the blue he tells me he likes spending time with me and likes me but that he feels no spark. He didn’t want to lead me on. Then proceeds to make plans for the following week.

The following week didn’t happen he had to work late. Now two weeks after the “spark” convo we have another “date.” He takes me out to dinner we go back to my place and cuddle on the couch while watching a movie. Things are just like before the no spark conversation. Great conversation, etc…actually even better because at this point (7 “dates” in) we are more comfortable with each other.

I can tell the difference between a guy that’s looking for booty call and a guy who actually cares about you. He appears to care about me and we do have chemistry (amazing actually despite what he says). I’m not getting the vibe from him its about sex. I’ve been there and know it. I know he had an ex-fiance that hurt him to the point it has turned him off marriage. That was almost a year ago. I just don’t understand why he’s keeping me at arms length this way.

He contacts me every day and initiates our “dates”. The only difference between now and the beginning of our relationship is I don’t see him as often. If a man feels no spark they walk away. He says he doesn’t want to lead me on, yet he is if he truly feels no “spark.” He is not treating me like a friend, a booty call, friends with benefits, nor is he treating me like someone he has no “spark” with. I’m the only one he’s seeing (I know this through mutual friends). My friends are stumped. Any ideas? Thank you!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a guy says one thing and behaves another way, trust his behavior. 😉 He may have not felt a spark at the time, and that was bothering him — but he’s obviously interested enough to continue dating you. After seven dates, you should be figuring out if this is someone you want to continue dating. If you are interested in marriage, and he isn’t, then it’s probably a good idea not to waste your time with him, since you said he’s not interested in marriage. It sounds like he’s playing the field, and he likes you enough to continue dating you, but since he’s not interested in marriage, he’s more interested in having people to keep him from feeling single and lonely than he is in building a long-term, committed relationship.

I hope that helps.

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[Isabella1678]

Thank you so much for the great advice. He did tell me (after he brought up the subject) that he was turned off by marriage in one conversation and then he brought up again on a different day that it doesn’t mean he won’t change his mind at some point in the future. He has been the one to bring up marriage never me. So I don’t feel its a waste of my time just yet. I feel like is should give it another month or so to see if things change.

I think that’s very interesting about wanting the company but not the commitment. I hadn’t thought of that though it seems kinda obvious after you mention it. Thank you!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome — I’m glad I could help.

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