[Crossroads]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and been living together for 1 year. We have talked about getting married. Our relationship has been great up intil about 7 months ago. That’s when things have changed. She had told me that I need to sleep in another room, because my breathing was to loud. So we have been sleeping in separet room for the last 7 months. We both work so I understood she needed her sleep, but then it turned into just the weekdays now every night. She has been very cold and distant now: not want me next to her, not being around each will we out, she not return phone calls or texts, while we are out or just at home talking she is texting most of the time, now when I kiss her it seems like she can’t wait to pull away, our sex life is now once or twice every 3 months, if I make plans or suggest for us to do something she is not intersted, she really doesn’t care for my thoughts on stuff any more, and there is more but I don’t think it would fit on the page. Ok so now I have talk to her about this stuff a bunch of times, but always get same answer “I have been busy with work” “I’m tired” “there is nothing wrong”. I am very easy going guy, listen to her vent, help her out, romantic buy her flower complament her, get along great with family and friends, and we really never fight. She says she loves me and she is very happy all the time. I love her very much and want to spend my life with her. So I’m no sure what has changed or what is happening. So what do I do to fix this? Is she starting to pull away? Is she seeing someone else? Is she feeling trapped? Please help!

[Ask April Masini]

She’s definitely pulling away — that’s very clear. The biggest problem is that she’s telling you that she’s happy with the way things are now and that she loves you — but this isn’t enough for YOU. 😳 You need more, and you’re no longer compatible with each other.

It certainly seems like something changed for her, but unless she’s willing to tell you what it is that has changed, you can only guess, and that’s no good. I know you’re asking me to tell you if she feels trapped or if she’s seeing someone else, but there is no indication of those things — just that she wants less of you. Separate bedrooms is a bad idea — especially for a new relationship like yours that hasn’t even been through a fraction of the ups and downs that happen in a normal long term relationship.

I think it’s time for you to face the fact that unless she starts stepping up to the plate and wanting to make you happy, you’ll never have what you want in this relationship. Once you get serious about deserving more for yourself, and you let her know how serious you are about it, you’ll be able to see if she cares enough to make some changes or risk letting you walk away. If she doesn’t care enough, then you do need to walk away. You deserve more, and I know you know it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — and join me on Facebook! I’d love to have you as a member there. You can join me at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Crossroads]

So what is the best way of doing that? I have talked to her about all this before. Should I change my apporach or give her more space and move out?

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, you need to change your approach — to yourself, not her. You need to start feeling that you deserve more, and to start being more consistent with what you want and the way you behave. If having a romantic and sexual life in a relationship is as important to you as you write (and by the way, what you want is completely normal), then you have to start behaving like it’s important.

You have to be the one to let her know what you expect and need from a relationship and what your deal breakers are. If separate bedrooms and sex once a month with a lack of affection all other times are okay with you 😕 then you’re in the right relationship! Obviously, I’m being facetious. You need to step up to the plate and let her know that it’s over and why. If she wants to make changes to meet your (very normal) needs, then you have the right to be open to her changes, but it sounds like you both want different things, and it took two years for you to see these differences that are definitely deal breakers for most men — and I think for you, too.

I hope that helps — let me know how it goes.

And please click through and join me on Facebook! [url][/url]. 🙂

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