[Anonymous]

Hello,
I am aware that the problem lies with me and not with my partner but I was hoping to get some advice as to how to stop making it “our” problem. The problem arises because my girlfriend is more of a social butterfly then I. I would be completely content with staying in while she would rather be out and drinking ( not excessively or anything). She understands that and stays home with me sometimes while other times I go out with her, and its not like she goes out constantly. The problem is that when I do go out I find myself having a terrible time and that causes her to loose the fun she would otherwise be having. Her being a “social butterfly” makes parties and other social gatherings near the top of her list of things which she would like to do, while they would fall near the bottom of mine. We have been together for 2 years but this gap makes me think that we may not be compatible enough to have a long-term and serious relationship, due to her having to either dragging me out or from me holding her from something she has fun doing. Usually I get down during this ‘thinking’ time and am a bother to be around. I am worried I am not being a considerate boyfriend as well as worrying that I may come off as being controlling because my mood changes every time she says she is going out. I know I am blowing this out of proportion but I continue to feel this way even though I realize its not the right way to be thinking. I was hoping to get some advice as to how I can get over this issue without making our otherwise great relationship suffer.

Thanks.

[[hawt.n.bothered]]

It boilds down to what extend of being a “social butterfly” though. It’s normal for girls to have some girls night out kind of thing but how is she behaving in the parties? Does she flirt excessively? Approachable (green light alert!) or is she just having a good time with her pals?

Talk to her, let her know how you feel whenever she’s out – the potential of meeting new dude etc. It’s either she tones down a bit or to accept her partying lifestyle. If it is still the same, well, obviously you’re not that important to her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I liked the advice [b]hawt.n.bothered[/b] gave you, trying to find the parameters of your girlfriend’s behavior to comment on what’s normal.

It really seems like this situation calls for compromise. Most relationships have differences within them and compromise is a WONDERFUL tool in long term relationships and marriages. How many nights a week does she like to go out? If she goes out four nights a week, why not trade her two for two — in other words, you go with her two nights and she stays home with you two. Another compromise might be the types of places she goes — surely you don’t stay in a cave all the time. If you like movies and she likes going to clubs, how about going to one movie for every one club, so you’re both involved in giving and receiving what you like from each other. I think you understand the dynamic I’m suggesting here.

Being in a relationship means sacrificing as well as enjoying the fruits of the relationship. If you both want to be in the relationship and value each other as well as yourselves, I’m sure you’ll both see the value of adapting to some compromises in your social lives and home lives.

Let me know if that helps and how things go. And please join me at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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