[Sharkie91]

On this past Thanksgiving night, my girlfriend of over 6 years broke up with me. I am completely devastated and sort of shocked. She has given me warnings in the past, but I truly didn’t think she would want a breakup. All she ever wanted was to be with me all the time for the rest of our lives. There are a few reasons why this happened, and I am trying to accept it. We both currently live at home, I just turned 30, and she is 29. She has wanted nothing more than to live together. I know I have kept pushing this off, because of my own financial issues, and feeling guilt of leaving my parents, especially my dad. He gives me a lot of guilt about leaving, and it has been hard since I’ve had a lot of family issues. My girlfriend is graduating from graduate school At the end of December, and I said we can think about moving in together after that. Well, she can’t wait for me any longer and doesn’t think I’m close to being ready yet. She’s also upset that I haven’t saved or spoken about getting her an engagement ring. I just thought she wasn’t in a rush to get married, that was what she told me, but obviously I was kind of wrong. The bigger issue she has with me is that she doesn’t think I love her as much as she has loved me. I have issues showing affection even though I really do want to. She has repeatedly told me she wants me to kiss her more, hold hands in public, give her compliments, etc. Every time I’ve said I would, and I don’t often enough, so now she told me she’s reached a point whe she needs to let go, and possibly find someone to give her that sort of love. I tried talking her out of this to no avail for days. She tells me it’s like we were just best friends and she’s sad she’s losing a best friend. We’ve been keeping in touch but it hasn’t been the same. I really want to win her back, Im ready to plan for a future with her, but she said it’s too late. I’m trying to give her space to figure this out it but it’s hard, I’m not used to being away from her. My older sister gave advice that I should buy an engagement ring and try to propose around Christmas. Please help me.

[AskApril Masini]

Your older sister is right. 😉 I agree that you should buy a beautiful ring and propose to her in a grand, romantic gesture to show her you’ve learned your lesson and you never want to lose her again. 🙂 But before she answers your proposal, show her photos of three apartments that you’ve looked at and are ready to sign the lease on, with her approval — so the two of you can move in together. And start being more affectionate. I sincerely doubt that’s why she left, but it’s probably an easy fix. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[Sharkie91]

Thank you for your advice. She has told me that she’s afraid a ring and moving in together won’t solve things, and now it’s too late. She has repeatedly told me I basically treat her like a best friend, so she’s sad she’s losing her best friend. She doesn’t know why it’s taken me to this point to tell her everything she wants to hear, that I should’ve done it years ago. I’m afraid now that it may be too late for grand gestures, although I’m going to try. I don’t know how to show her I’ll change or be more affectionate when I can’t hang out with her right now.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you don’t want to get her back as much as you want to be upset that you might not get her back. 😕 I just gave you a grand plan, and it sounds like you’re looking for a way not to implement it. And frankly, this might be part of the bigger problem, that you’re not taking action. I don’t suggest you “hang out” with her. And you may be too late. That’s why my advice was grand. Here it is again:

[quote]I agree that you should buy a beautiful ring and propose to her in a grand, romantic gesture to show her you’ve learned your lesson and you never want to lose her again. 🙂 But before she answers your proposal, show her photos of three apartments that you’ve looked at and are ready to sign the lease on, with her approval — so the two of you can move in together. And start being more affectionate. I sincerely doubt that’s why she left, but it’s probably an easy fix. 😉 [/quote]

Instead of writing to me, you should be looking at apartments, taking photos, buying a ring, and figuring out how to make a big gesture that shows her you’re committed to change in order not to lose her ever again, if you haven’t already. You have to understand that she has a point…. waiting six years and not seeing any change is why she left. I’m suggesting you make those changes now.

However…. if you are more committed to the lifestyle you have, that’s okay, but you have to understand you will lose out on her, and on other women who want a guy who is independent and willing to commit. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[Sharkie91]

It does help, I need things to be put bluntly. I have already cut off all spending on myself (un-needed things), and have begun looking at places to buy an engagement ring/doing the necessary research. I’m hoping to make the purchase within the next week or so, and propose before the end of the year. In the mean time, I’m trying to give her as much space as possible. Thank you.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re welcome. 😀

Good luck. 😉

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