[beneggs]

Long story short…

I ended up in a serious relationship with my best friend of 7 years. The last 3 years of which we were in a serious relationship.

I made a horrible mistake and made out with another girl on a night out with the guys. And I felt terrible.

Anyway once she knew of this she was extremely upset and we took a few weeks apart from each other (without breaking up)

We continued to date for another three months after this but ultimately she broke up with me on the 3rd of November 2015…

She said she couldn’t stop thinking about my mistake and felt terrible and depressed all the time and although she could see that I’ve made a lot of changes she still couldn’t move past my mistake.

She told me she needs to fix herself before she can fix us and that she ‘wants everything with me’ but doesn’t expect me to wait around for ever.

We have continued to stay in contact for the entire three months.

The early weeks she would message me frequently saying she was missing me and struggling to get over me.

Some days she was blunt some days wed laugh and talk a lot,

I asked her to stop telling me she missed me as it is giving me false hope, to which she replied … ‘its not false hope.. I hope that one day in the future I have gotten over my doubts and can trust you again… That isn’t going to happen tomorrow so I can’t stay with you if I’m not comfortable planning a future with you.

Any way I’ve read all the ty breakup guides and no contact theories. And I decided that because of the trust issues that being distant and disappearing wouldn’t be my best plan…so I’ve been there for her in a non pushy way for The majority of the three months… She’s accepted invites to hangout and also invited me to things…

Things seemed to be heading in a slow yet positive direction until two weeks ago. I was tagged on fb out at a bar with some work Mates. I received a message from her saying she thinks it’s time she deleted me from fb
As she needs to stop checking up on me and move on….she said we can still contact each other via text….I said I understood but was little upset.

Any way I let things cool off for a few days and texted her asking how she was…. The conversation was nice.. With some laughter and it was nice to know we could still talk.

Things took a turn for the worse however, I invited her to a comedy show because I found tickets, and she said she wants to not be planning things with me for a while because she wants a few weeks to be selfish and look after her self.

I replied calmly saying things such as I understand and that her happiness is important to me. I said I hope she could see a brighter future with me in what ever capacity that may be.

She messaged me back staying ‘it’s not forever….just until I can get through a day with out crying’

She’s asked for a few weeks space but also said I can text her lol… And she said she’d see me after my police entrance exam in a couple of weeks.

All very confusing I know…. And sorry to turn it into a long story.

Was just looking for words of wisdom and advice….

I do hope to be back together again, although I have partially accepted the possibility of that not happening.

It’s been a week since we last spoke. Which is the longest since the breakup

Any ideas on my next move???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

People can get over infidelities when they both want to and they feel that there’s a lot at stake. In other words, they have to feel that there’s more to be lost by leaving than by staying. This is difficult when it comes to emotions, because it’s hard to do math and calculate the loss. Obviously, she’s still in the game as much as she is because she feels there’s more to be gained than to be lost — but she’s not all in because she’s still doing the math. The timeline is long. My advice is that you hang in there. And, when you see the opportunity, leverage it to let her know how much you care about her and how you’ve changed in a way that will not allow that indiscretion to occur again. She’s feeling disrespected and wondering how you could risk what you had for what you think is no big deal. Instead of arguing, take her point of view and work with it. The arguing will drive you apart. When you empathize and make changes she wants to see, that will bring you together. Everyone makes mistakes and how you get through and over them is what draws you closer or allows you to drift apart. Maybe going to bars with friends without her isn’t a good idea, and while that may seem like a sacrifice, a sacrifice is what she needs to see. If you keep on going the same you way you have been, by simply apologizing, she’s going to wonder when the other shoe will drop and the same thing will happen again, but if you make changes she can see, like no more bars with friends without her, she’s more likely to see that you’re working to change the basis of the relationship for her. And for the both of you.

Let mea now if you have any other questions. 🙂

[Member]

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