[docwatson]

I have been married now for four years to a wonderful woman and we share a very caring relationship. The one area where I seek some guidance is her need to maintain friendships with her ex lovers. While only three in number, each one was a long term live-in relationship. With one of her ex’s she will go to another city to visit him where he will wine and dine her and she will stay aboard his yacht. With another ex there is daily emails and weekly phone conversations; and while I did not receive a Christmas gift from my wife, she sent her ex an expensive watch. The third ex is regularly driving fours hours to “just happen to be in the neighbour-hood” to drop in and visit my wife and stay for a meal, when I’m not there. I should mention that none of her former lovers are presently in relationships, nor have been for quite some time. Do I have a problem with thinking that there is something wrong with this picture?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is definitely something very wrong with this picture. Your instincts are right. There is no reason in the world for you wife to act like she’s single and to behave as if she’s dating her exes in spite of her marriage. It sounds like there’s something wrong in the marriage for her if she needs to do this — or maybe you’ve always maintained that it was okay, and you didn’t mind. If this has been the norm for the four years you’ve been married, it would be interesting to know why it’s only now bothering you. But if this is new behavior for her, then you take a look at the marriage and what’s going on it that is causing her to look outside it.

I hope that helps.

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