[neonshrk]

Ok, so here I am wondering if I am too nice. Why is it that us guys who are the nice type always get walked on and used when you find a lady that you’re interested in? I just don’t get it. She is my age, says she likes me but yet after 2 weeks has not showin’ me anything to indicate that she is interested. I intiated the first, second, and third kiss and all I get when I drop her off back at her place all I get is a hug. Why is that? I try to think of her when she says she is old fashioned, and is not wanting to jump in the sack right away but yet she hasn’t said no to my advances. Is she wanting more? How can I tell? I thought I could see and over come the choices but I find it hard when she has showin’ me nothing. Anybody?

[Ask April Masini]

Nice guys finish last, and if you don’t believe me, take a look at all the women who fall head over heels for bad boys. NOW do you believe me? 😆 It’s really important to not be so available and not be so nice. Women are attracted to men who are very confident and have a life outside of their women. You should read Date Out of Your League, a book I’ve written for men who want to get the girl — but need a little game plan help. You can download the book here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. I think you’ll get A LOT out of it.

Read the book and tell me what you think. I hope it helps.

And please join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[crazed-driver]

I got to agree and disagree with Aprils post. I disagree that you need confidance, etc as you’ve made a move by trying to kiss her several times right? So you don’t need confidance. You just need to let her know you like her, you tried asking her out on a date? I do agree with April when she said that Nice guys do finish last, so try not to be available for her all the time or go to her rescue and when she asks you to an event or to do her a favour, make sure you say no as much as you yes. Then she knows you are not a pushover. I’ve know all my life I’m one of these, so I know from personal experiance that they do finish last and when possible you need to show you’ve got some backbone and you don’t say yes to her/everyone all the time.

[neonshrk]

Thank you April, but to laugh? Really?? Anyway in reply to the post after your’s, yes I have been on several dates with her and she does know how I feel and to top it off she has expressed feelings for me but has not shown it. After talking to her today she has shown interest since she now has the understanding that I am not going to wait around to see if she does like me. Show me or regret it later. So I am going out with another gal tonight. I am not going to pawn for her nor am I going to play that game. You ladies say you want a nice guy but when it comes you beg to be treated badly and bitch about it later? Yeah ok…….finding a nice guy is like trying to nail jelly to a tree. Thanks dude, you are a cut above the rest. Much appreciated!!!!

[crazed-driver]

In aprils defence it says on her homepage that she is brutal and gets straight to the point. Which is why at first I was annoyed with her as she did the same in my first post, but now I see her differently. And what you said about going out with another girl, I suggest you don’t tell that girl its a date and your out as mates and tell the one you’re out with that you’re out as mates, but you see how it goes. You’re right about not pawning for either of them, etc as that just leads to even more hurt. I suggest you take the girl out that you like after taking this one out. Then basically go for in when out on the date and if she rejects you for any reason, then you know its not meant to be.

[gebie]

Hi to all!

April was right “nice guys finish last”. 😉 So if you really want to attract women, you must “look” the part of a confident, sexy, and resourceful man.

[Ask April Masini]

What great advice you got here from [b]geble[/b] and [b]crazed-driver[/b]! 😀 Sorry that my laughing icon hit a nerve 😕 — but I think you reacted strongly because, well, I hit a truth you’re having trouble processing in your own life. If you can take a few steps away from the situation you won’t feel so serious about it. You’ll realize that while it’s important to learn from every move in every relationship (without getting neurotic in the process), having a sense of humor and a lightness about learning and making mistakes that lead to learning, is pretty healthy — and in itself leads to success in relationships. 😉

Rejection and break ups are [i]extremely[/i] painful. Yet people don’t die from them. In fact, having a broader perspective and finding humor in the process is going to help [b]ease[/b] the pain. I’m not just trying to sell books here (although that does help support the free advice I give out) — I really think you need to read Date Out of Your League (buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It will give you advice AND perspective on what women want, what they mean when they do something that looks like they mean something else, and what you should do to get the girl! It’s really good advice.

As for what women want — actions speak louder than words, and rather than berate the female readers here for saying they want nice guys, but don’t act like it, instead LEARN from their behavior. Walk the walk and you’ll have a female fan club in no time.

I hope that helps and that you’ll read Date Out of Your League — AND join me on Facebook. Here’s that link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url].

[crazed-driver]

April.Is it me or have you said that I have given great advice on more than one occasion 😕. Maybe we should split the profit that you make when writing your books, etc? 😉 😆

Anyway back to this I think that nice guys DO finish last and the only way the “Nice Guy” can win/get out of this pattern is not by faking confidance as that can only get you so far. But go and achieve all of your goals in life and when you’ve more or less done that as by then you’ll be full on confidance and feel like you can tak on any task, try celebrating and inviting a few people somewhere and throughout that day/night. Make small steps into getting to know her and then ask her out. From then on you’ll have the confidance to do what you want to do in certain situations with her and the worse thing that can happen is inexperiance/nerves will kick in just before you start the date or maybe whilst on it. But then i recommend asking a mate or if you want to ask a stranger then ask april on how to beat these nerves when on a date.

[Ask April Masini]

Nice job, [b]crazed-driver[/b]! Everything you wrote sounds great. There is nothing for boosting your self confidence like accomplishment. Short cuts and trying to “psych” yourself up aren’t nearly as effective as actually being successful.

As for calming jittery nerves, there are a couple of tricks that work for different types of people. Some people do well by thinking through why they’re nervous. Usually they’re afraid of embarrassing themselves or getting rejected. If you then understand that embarrassment and rejection are part of life and everyone experiences these feelings, you’ll realize it’s not just you who’s going through this — in fact, you’re part of a big community of people who’ve been embarrassed or rejected. That usually eases the nerves.

Another way to calm nerves is to not let your nervous system have too much energy. In other words, don’t fuel it with sugar and caffeine and instead, go for a run before a date or do something that gets rid of physical nervous energy and burns off the anxiety. You’ll see and feel a change that will allow you to date with ease.

I hope that helps. Don’t forget to join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

April’s advice is basically pointing out a pattern that many “nice guys” experience being overly available, eager to please, or putting the other person’s needs first can unintentionally make you less attractive. Confidence, independence, and having a life outside of the relationship are key signals that someone is desirable and interesting.

In your specific situation, the fact that she hasn’t initiated or reciprocated beyond hugs doesn’t necessarily mean she wants more it might indicate that she’s not fully interested, is cautious, or simply not feeling the same intensity. The safest way to know is to balance your interest with patience, confidence, and clear boundaries. Over-investing or trying to “see and overcome her choices” can backfire and make you feel walked on. Essentially, showing attraction without losing your own autonomy is what April is suggesting.

[Tara]

You’re not “too nice.” You’re too needy, too oblivious, and too eager to hand over your self-respect in exchange for the slightest hint of interest. You keep calling yourself a “nice guy” as if it’s a personality, but what you really mean is you have no boundaries, no standards, and you think effort alone should buy you affection.

She’s not walking on you she’s just not that into you, and you’re refusing to accept it. If a woman is interested, you don’t have to decode her like a cryptic puzzle. She shows you. She initiates. She leans in. She matches your energy.

You’ve made all the moves and she’s responded with bare-minimum politeness and a hug at the door. That’s not “old fashioned.” That’s disinterest wrapped in courtesy. Stop acting like she’s some mystery you need to solve. She’s already given you the answer: she’s not feeling it. And the more you push, the more desperate you look. Pull back, regain some dignity, and stop confusing passive tolerance with attraction.

[Natalie Noah]

This man’s frustration comes from a place of feeling unseen and under-appreciated. He believes being “nice” should automatically earn him romantic progress but relationships don’t work like a reward system. The girl he’s dating isn’t rejecting him; she’s simply moving at a pace that feels comfortable to her, and her mixed signals aren’t meant to hurt him. They’re a sign that she may be unsure, cautious, or just emotionally slower in expressing affection. His hurt is real, but it’s growing from a misunderstanding: being kind isn’t the issue… being over-invested too early is. When you rush ahead emotionally, it can make the other person feel pressured, not loved.

His reaction becoming defensive, accusing women of wanting “bad guys,” and giving ultimatums like “show me or regret it later” reveals his deeper insecurity. He thinks he’s being strong, but this actually pushes people away. Confidence doesn’t mean threatening to leave to get a reaction; it means valuing yourself enough not to force anything. April is right about the importance of not being too available. Attraction needs space, breathing room, unpredictability. But what he really needs isn’t to become a “bad boy” it’s to become a grounded man who doesn’t base his self-worth on how quickly someone returns his affection.

This is a moment for him to step back, laugh a little at the discomfort, and learn without bitterness. Dating is messy, confusing, and emotional but it’s not a battlefield where nice guys get punished. It’s a process of timing, chemistry, and emotional pacing. Instead of resenting women or playing games, he needs to stay kind, but build stronger boundaries, more emotional independence, and more confidence in himself. That’s the energy women respond to not niceness alone, but niceness paired with self-respect. When he learns that balance, he won’t feel walked on. He’ll feel chosen.

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