[nisha]

My previous boyfriend dumped me 2 years back for no reason and came back before an year when i had almost forgotten him. But when he came back, i just accepted him with no serious intention. Then I met this guy 10 months back. He proposed me and I dint accept it first. I knew from his friends that he is serious in this relationship and he had never had a relationship before. I was able to realise his love with his care on every move of mine. He called and texted almost the whole day. He shared a lot of things about him and his family. I actually avoided him at first and was rude to him as I was in another relationship at that time. But then 3 months after his proposal, I just started spending time with him. I tried to be a good friend to him. We went out for dinner, shopping and started spending more time on texting each other and calls. I started feeling that I am happy with him and I felt complete with his love and care. So I finally accepted after 4 months from his proposal. Then as every other couple, we were happy in relationship. He even took me to his home once and introduced me to his parents as his friend. He is just planning to talk about marriage to his parents after 2 years or so. But then recently, we are having lot of fights. And I feel like he is taking me for granted. When we quarrel, we do take some time to talk about it and trying to resolve it. But then, it would last only for 3 or 4 days. Then again something will come up. I feel like going this extra mile and doing everything for him and to make this relationship work. But he doesnt seem to be. The boy once did everything for me, now doesnt even trying to listen to my feelings. Nowadays when we talk about it, he is just saying he will be like that (he will do whataver he wish, without caring whether it would hurt my feelings), and he cannot change. He says he wants me to be happy and he will make efforts for it but he never really does. I feel like he is more comfortable with his friends. He calls me or texts me only when he is alone or bored with other things. He doesnt seem to be caring about me anymore like those days when we started going out. And sometimes he do insist about sex before marriage, but he has never forced me since I am not ready to do it before marriage. I know he loves me but his actions makes me feel like I am not being loved. I am not sure whether the spark is gone, sometimes I even wonder whether this is going to work for my whole life. I do love him truly and want to spend my life with him but I am just tired of his attitude. I am not sure whether to break up as he always says he is not going to change for me or to keep this relationship work as he never cheated on me. Please help me!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

Besides HIS behavior in the relationship, has yours changed in any way? Have you stopped being an enticing girlfriend? Are you taking him for granted? Are the fights about any one thing in particular?

[nisha]

He is 23 years old and I’m 22. I dont think I’ve changed in any way. But I used to tel him not to do certain things which hurts me. For eg: Sometimes He wont text me / cal me unless he has some work. Sometimes I would like to talk to him about some problems in my home so that it can help me calm. But he will not spend time for me. He sometimes says that I am not accepting as he is. But I feel like most of the times I do that. I never took him for granted. I think he may see me less enticing since I refuse sex before marriage.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s very clear that he’s not going to change for you, and his behavior matches his words, so my advice is to recognize that the two of you are not compatible. You love him, but you want him to be different. That’s a recipe for unhappiness. We love lots of people in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that everyone we love is going to be a good partner or boyfriend or husband. The trick is to find someone you love, who loves you back with whom you both feel mutually compatible. This guy isn’t Mr. Right.

My advice is to let go and move on, and find someone who shares the same goals and who is more of the man you want so you don’t fight as much.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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