[Anonymous]

Back in October a friend of mine fixed me up with a friend of hers. We started talking and hanging out just as friends. We didn’t see each other a lot the first 2 weeks or so because I spent two weekends out of town. the third weekend I went to a party with a friend and at about 4 am I text her. I don’t remember much of the conversation but do remember her saying she was scared and didn’t want anything serious yet. I said I felt the same. I talked to my friend a few days later and she asked how things were going. I said it seems like we were going to just be friends but I felt it was too early to tell. A couple days later the two of us were watching a movie at my place and she snuggled up next to me for the first time. A couple nights later we were at her place watching tv laying on the couch together. She got up to change laundry loads and came running back in and kissed me. It caught me off guard but I didn’t mind because I was starting to have feelings for her. A couple nights later we had our first official date. At dinner I noticed that every time I moved my foot hers immediately followed and was touching mine. We started spending a lot more time together and talked a lot more on the phone, im, or text. I asked her out on a second date. She said she would love to. The next day we met my sister and her boyfriend to watch a football game. The whole game she was practically on my lap. Constantly touching my leg, holding my hand, and looking up at me and giving me these sweet little smiles. The night before our date we were having a text conversation and she asked me why I wanted to take her someplace so nice. I told her that I cared about her and had feelings for her and that I wanted to take her out someplace nice. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and I said I didn’t want to push her but wanted to take things slow and work towards one. She said ok. The next day she called me and said a friend of hers was on her way over crying her eyes out and that she needed to talk. Later she called and asked if we could cancel and the three of us do something together. I agreed although it did upset me. We went to dinner and the whole time she again was touching me and holding my hand. I dropped them off at her house after dinner. She said she was going to go to her friends real quick to see her dog then come over to my place. No sooner did I get home and changed when she called and said she was on her way over. She got to my place and said her friend just went home. She told her friend she wasn’t going to her place because she wanted to spend time with me. We watched a movie and she had my arm pulled as tight around her as possible. My whole arm fell asleep. The following night she met up with me, my buddy, and his girlfriend at local bar for a little bit. Again, constant touching, holding hands, and gazing. I asked her if she’d like to go to this event on New Years. She said she had plans but if they fell through she’d love to go with me. Her plans didn’t fall through. The next morning I called her on my way to work and left a message for her to leave early cause the roads were slick. She sent me a text a little later thanking me. That afternoon I got home from work, took a shower, and lied down on the couch cause I wasn’t feeling well. I fell asleep and got woken up by my phone ringing. It was her so I answered. She said she was getting worried cause she hadn’t heard from me since morning. This was the Monday before Christmas. She invited me to go with her to her uncles on Christmas Eve. I said I already had plans but thanks for the invite. She had also invited me over for Thanksgiving. The next day I still wasn’t feeling well and she text me and asked what I was doing. I said playing solitaire on computer. She asked if I was ok. I said just still didn’t feel well. The next morning I had a missed voicemail from her. She had gone out with some friends from high school that were in town for the holidays. On the message she said things got crazy last night. She went home and they all went to the strip club. They all came over after and passed out all over her house. She sounded like I was going to get upset. Later that day she text me at lunch. I asked her if something was bothering her cause she felt awfully worrisome lately. She said she was worried about me cause I seemed to be feeling down. I said I’ve just been sick. I asked what she was doing that night and she said she was going to a concert with her mom and some family friends and asked why. I said I was going to see if you wanted to come over for dinner. She said already had tix. I said cool and she asked if I was mad. I said no then asked what her plans were for Sat. She said getting friends from high school together and asked why. I said my buddy and I were trying to get a bunch of people together to go out and I wanted to invite her. She said she would if plans fell through and asked if I was upset. I said no. Christmas Eve she called me and asked what I was doing. I was on my way home from dinner with my best friend and his family. She asked if she could come over because she got me a gift and wanted to see me. I said of course I have a gift for you too. She came over and said the gift she got me reminded her of something we did together. She gave it too me. It was a snowman mug and hot chocolate kit. She said she new how much I liked hot chocolate and it reminded her of how we would sit on the couch together and drink hot tea. I gave her the gift I got her and she thanked me up one side and down the other. She gave me the warmest hug ever and gazed into my eyes then gave me the most meaningful kiss ever. The next day we text a little back and forth cause she was at her moms family’s two hours away. That night she called me crying because of Christmas not being the same since her parents divorce. I did the best I could to console her. The following day she called me constantly. I spent more time on the phone than ever. That night she went out with her friends and I went out with mine. The next day we were talking on the phone and I asked her what she was doing for the football game. She was house sitting two houses and had to take care of the dogs and clean a little and would probably watch it where ever she was. I sent her a text about three hours later and asked how things were going but got no response. Three hours after that she text me and asked how our team lost. I said the coach pulled the starters in the 3rd quarter. I asked what happened and she said it took her so long to clean one house cause one of the dogs had and accident then went to the other house and cleaned it. She went back to first house to check on the dog because he hadn’t been doing well. He had another accident. I said I was getting kind of worried cause I hadn’t heard from her and sent a text and got no reply. She said she didn’t get the text and was very busy and her friend was with her (the one that spoiled our date). She seemed kind of pissy. The next night I called her and she told me she had a bad habit of pushing people away when she got too close. Her ex of three years had cheated on her and knocked the other girl up. She has big trust issues now. She said she had to get off the phone because her friend (the date spoiler) was there and would call me later. She never called back and I didn’t hear from her at all the next day. The following day, Wednesday, she sent me a text saying our friends (the one who fixed us up) boyfriend proposed. I left my phone at home so didn’t get to respond. 4 hours later she sent another text saying she had to lose 15lbs before the wedding lol. It seemed like a desperation text since she got no response from the first one. I replied when I got home and said that’s awesome I’m very happy for them. She responded me too and before I could even finish reading it she called. We talked a little and she started crying again. She had bought her ex a dirt bike and needed to sell it. Said every time she got the bill she would cry. Said she wanted everything to do with him out of her life. I told her I would check around for anyone wanting to buy one. The next day New Years day I changed the oil in her car. She was very distant at first but as time went on she warmed up and started flirting again. On the way back to her place I drove her car. She was sitting in the seat sort of on her left hip with her left leg on the seat and foot and body facing me. I dropped her off then went home. That night she text me saying she met her ex’s son and the girl he cheated with. She went home for the night. New Years day she called me and left a message telling me her phone was going to be off because she was going to hospital to visit her grandma. That night we talked a little and she was just going to stay home and watch a movie with her brother. The next night she I invited her to go bowling and she said she and her friend (the date spoiler again) were going to watch a movie. She then said just because she isn’t going doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go and have fun. Later that night she text and said she was going to another friends house. The next day I sent her a text and asked how she was but got no response. Later that night I was extremely busy with some things and was on the phone. She sent me a text but when I got off the phone I forgot about it. My phone somehow ended up on silent. She called 15 min after the text. This isn’t the first time she’s done that. I saw she had called when I went to make another call. I got off the phone then had one more important call to make then I was going to call her. I got done with that call when she text me. She said she was sorry if she hurt my feelings, and said again she had a bad problem with pushing people away when she got too close. It kind of pissed me off so I just ignored her and went to bed. The next day I got a small arrangement of flowers and took to her. Her car was there and her purse was on the passenger seat. I knocked on the door but got no answer so I called and got no answer again. I left the flower with a note and drove off. No sooner did I get around the corner and she text me saying she was at the gym with her friend. I went to turn around and she called. She sounded like she had been crying and told me she was at the gym. I went back to get the flowers and they were not there. 20 min later she called and said she was home. She then said you got me flowers. I said yes. She asked why and then read the note. She thanked me. I asked if I could come over so we could talk. She said she was going to run some errands. About 2 hours later she text me and said she was on her way home and I responded on my way. She called and said don’t come and asked if we could talk on the phone we got in an argument and hung up. I went over there. It didn’t go very well and I left. She looked scared that I was never coming back. Two nights later I apologized. Everything seemed ok. This was on Wednesday. Friday she left for Florida. I didn’t hear from her the whole time. Monday I text her and she responded immediately. The next night I text and again immediate response. I asked her to stop avoiding me. She flipped out on me and said can’t deal with this now with friend (date spoiler). The next night I instant messaged her and we talked a little. She said we were just friends. I said I don’t kiss just friends like that. Said I had feelings for her and from my perspective she had feelings for me because of the way she kissed, talked, and all the above. She signed off. I sent her a text Friday and never heard back then called yesterday (Jan 16 2010) and still no word. I talked to the friend that fixed us up. She had no clue we ever kissed or spent as much time together as we did. She said a couple weeks after we started hanging out she said she felt I was pushing her away and that she had feelings for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What really strikes me in your post is your need to tell me [i]so many[/i] details that don’t seem to have any relevance to your relationship with this woman. You seem to have a need to tell your story without realizing that not much really happened. You got fixed up with a woman who said she was reluctant to get together with you, but acted like she liked you a lot. You spent enough time together to get to know each other as dates, not just friends, and now she is backing away from the relationship.

I think you have to accept the relationship for what it is — one that isn’t really going anywhere.

You should date other women, but more importantly, you should try and socialize more with friends and family as well as dates. This increased time with other people will give you opportunities to talk about your life, which you really seem to want to do!

There’s nothing dramatic that happened with you and your girlfriend except that she’s not very interested in dating right now, and you shouldn’t sit around waiting for her. Get out there and date other women, but also make sure you spend more time hanging out with friends in social situations.

I hope that helps.

[Member]

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