[Anonymous]

My boyfriend from Germany just left me, actually because of [b]my[/b] destructive behavior that he couldn’t handle anymore and I don’t blame him. Now he is moved out and staying who knows where, and plans on going back to Germany in less than a week. I changed so much at the end of the relationship and I still have been. I’ve now been trying some relationship help programs and it really makes me confident in my new perspective and attitude. I am a WHOLE NEW PERSON. The problem is, he won’t give me a chance to show it. If I text him, or send him anything online, even simple everyday things that need to be said, which have nothing to do with the “relationship,” then he replies 3 hours later with a short, quick message. And I don’t even contact him that often unless it’s 100% necessary before he leaves. He made it quite clear that I bother him. He wants nothing to do with me now, or at least he acts like it. There is one more time I have to see him in about four or five days when he brings me some of my things and we go to the bank to close our shared account. What can I do to win him back in this one last chance I have? How do I prepare myself for this day? What do I do in the meantime? Even if I don’t win him back, how can I change his last impression of me? Please help me. It’s not something I will just let go. He is such a wonderful person and so worth it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not going to be able to win him back in one last visit after years (you didn’t say how long you were together, but if you were living together and had a bank account together, I’m guessing it’s years) of destructive behavior. Things don’t work that way. [i]However,[/i] you can leave on a good note and be thankful for the time you had together and even for his leaving you because it finally got you to change behavior that was going to destroy any and every relationship you were in — not just this one. You can tell him he was right, and that you’ve learned so much from his behavior in response to yours. You can thank him for everything. And you can finally ask that he call you sometime, just to say hello and be in touch.

You can’t make people forgive you or change their own behavior. You can only change yours. If you want him to show you’ve changed, then really do change and be understanding and focused on what is positive — not just what you want in the moment.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go for you. And I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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