I just got off the phone with my fiance and I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. We’ve been fighting worse than we ever have in our entire relationship and it’s been progressing to the point that I’ve doubted whether we should get married (until I calm down and realize that walking away would be the single biggest regret of my life). We’re both under a lot of stress. The wedding itself is relatively simple, but we are dealing with immigration issues, money shortages, we both go to school full time, he works full time as well and I have an 11 month old son. His family is in another country and there have been issues with him feeling disappointed that his mom can’t be here for the wedding. He seems to think I don’t care about his family (I do!) even though I’m doing everything I can to let him know that they are important to me. I’ve even gone as far as to change the plans today (2 days before the wedding) and get married in my mom’s living room instead of the chapel because he wants his mom to be witness via Skype and there is no connection in the chapel. I would never say no to any kind of inclusion of his family, but he still spent a huge chunk of time telling me that I come from a cold culture which is why I don’t care about family, etc. Meanwhile we’ve been criticizing each other extensively, and neither of us feel like we can do anything right lately. I feel like he doesn’t give me enough positive affection, he doesn’t give me enough time, he doesn’t help out enough… it feels like I pick something new every week. Then I usually feel stupid, act nice for a couple of days and then find the next problem to attack until I feel stupid again. At this point I’m tired of apologizing, tired of asking for more and at a loss for what to do. The negativity is taking a vicious cycle and I just want to like each other again and be happy. After our conversation tonight I asked myself what kind of doubt this is. Am I doubting the relationship? Am I doubting him? Honestly, I want to run away when we’re fighting like this, but I feel in my gut that I would regret that decision deeply. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a failure. I’m failing in school, failing as a mother and failing in my relationship and I’m scared to make any kind of decisions. Basically, I’m in over my head and I don’t want to do something I regret. Please help me get some perspective!!! I know this man is my best friend and so much more. And I know that I’m so much cooler than the woman I’m behaving as. But right now, we’re not acting like those people.
April Masini, your AskApril.
AnonymousInactive
