[Shadowdusk]

I am kind of excited about this forum already I feel like I can tell my problems out easily. Your advice is more than awesome <3

Because of my job and my general interest in the Internet I hang on a few sites that are mostly forum based and interactive. I have my own tumblr and Facebook too. Don’t get wrong I am not one of the people who does t have a real life. Sadly I do. I work and study and have let’s say less than 10 true friends I hang out with, most moved away from university next year. (I am nearly 18 and female)

So while I am not with these friends, at work or at school, I am online. I have ha lots of online friends and still gaining more daily. I had two online relationships coming to real life but they ended for some personal reasons that i will mention if needed and I’ve met several online friends from allover the globe.

The thing is my flirting is majorly with online guys. Majority of them are flirt hungry lol or at least they always respond to my flirts – then when I add them on Facebook: taadaa mr X is in a relationship with ms y.

Yeah… I feel bad at that moment. It’s sometimes because the guy is taken, and sometimes depending on the guy i feel like I am kinda being a help to a cheater. In the end it’s not like I mind the whole cheating thing as much as the bad feeling I get. But it still bugs me a little.

Anyway there is also this one guy here who is fairly far and about 9-10 years older than me. People tend to say I’m older than my age what blah but yeah he is an incredible poet and a major flirt. We were first discussing our art work and eventually went on in to flirts. I had a few travellings to do and some health issues (post surgery)and we caught up afterwards but whatdid I get? Being ignored. I found the direct link to one of his blogs and I studied it carefully.
I did know that with the reputation he has, and the way he is able to be charismatic online he probablyflirts with dozens of girls at the same time. But in his blog I saw another few girls whom he responded to more and warmer than others.
I let it drop because I had other issues on my mind but last night I mailed him and said that how come we aren’t talking as often and that I’m missing him and feeling neglected stuff and that’s why he said :

[i]I’m not a meanie. My path crossed that of another person towards whom I developed very strong emotions and I got swept away. I’m sorry if you feel neglected, that was not my intention. I’m here…
[/i]

By now I clearly know he is a playboy since even his definition of life is that life is like an intriguing woman, and when we flirt my intial purpose is to have the fun of the moment but should I continue the flirt?
And my other question is how to stop flirting from imprinting a kind of emotional attachment thing in us because I think I was almost getting to that point with his flirts before I snapped out.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The internet is a great tool to meet people, but it is definitely not the place to conduct an entire relationship — or even half a relationship. I get many posts from people who spend way too much time online with someone they decide is their soulmate, only to finally meet in real life and realize that their differences are too great to make anything work — and this is after months, and even sometimes years, of conducting an online only relationship.

You’re right that flirting can lead to attachment if you take it too seriously — which I think you have! 😕 It’s GREAT that you have an online job, but try to make your friends and dates, real life men. I’m quite sure that will solve your problem. 😉 If you meet a guy online, and he hasn’t asked you out on a real life date in three weeks, move on. The flings aren’t working for you, clearly.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Shadowdusk]

Your advice is always straightahead and lovely <3
but the thing is, for stopping such a thing Should I go with a cold shoulder? Or just ignoring ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is not to invest in these online flings. Figure out why you’re online and what your goals are when you are online. (That’s going to take some work and will be easier said than done.) If it’s to work, then work. If it’s to make online friends, then keep a limit on the friendships and don’t have more online friends than real life friends. Stick to your goals and you won’t find yourself invested in a relationship with no pay off! 😉

[Member]

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