[dominga]

I am a divorced 40 yr. old female. From the time I got divorced I have been having a sexual relationship with this guy on and off for the past 12 yrs. I want to be with him permently but there is a problem. Everytime either one of us would decide we wanted to be together as a couple, it never happened because one or the other was in a relationship with someone else, so we just continued to sneak around to be with each other. Every once in a while we would loose contact with each other, but we would find each other again, and everything would resume just like it had before. He knows everything about me, my likes and dislikes, we have never ever had an argument about anything, he treats me like a queen, he calls me every year to wish me a happy birthday no matter what, he knows my 2 children, and asks about them daily. There has not been a day that goes by that I don’t think about him, even when we would get seperated for periods of time. We just recently got back in contact with each other again, and have met up with each other already. We talk on the phone every day, we always have good conversations everytime we talk. This time I am single but he is with another girl, he has 3 kids with her. They are not married. His youngest child is just 2 years old. I want him all to myself this time. This has been going on for 12 years now and I want him to leave his girlfriend to be with me forever. I want to think he wants the same thing that I do, but I don’t know for sure. I don’t think he is in love with his girlfriend, if he was he wouldn’t be having a afair with me. I think he is scared if he left her he would loose his kids. How can I ask him if he to be with me and me only. I really do love this man, I have loved him for years. We have many memories together and I want many more to come.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The best way I can help you is to tell you to stop seeing him, stop taking his calls and to cut him out of your life. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but gosh — you’ve been dating him for 12 years, both monogamously, and while you were both dating other people, and he’s never once asked you to marry him. 😕 Wake up and smell the coffee. [i]He’s never going to be with only you.[/i] If you can’t see that after 12 years, I’m not sure I can help you.

If he wanted to marry you or be monogamous with you, he would. But he doesn’t have to because you want to be with him more than you want a monogamous committed relationship that will lead to marriage. When YOU change your behavior then the men in your life will, too.

Men sleep with women because they can. He’s a perfect example of this, and I hope you’ll get over the idea that he’s treating you like a queen. A queen would never put up with a guy like this. But if you want to be a queen….then I suggest you read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you understand better how to become the woman who GETS the man and not the woman who gets the man only when he’s not busy dating someone else. 😳

I think this book will help you a lot. I hate to hear you’ve wasted 12 years at your age with this guy who isn’t giving you what you want. (Don’t bother asking him — if he wanted you in any meaningful way, after all this time, he would have claimed you already.)

I’m sorry to be harsh, but it’s time for you to turn your life around!

Let me know how things go, and do read the book. 😀

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts