[April Masini, your AskApril]

People’s feelings change. That’s how life works. It’s fluid. Sometimes people feel like they’re in love, and then they feel like they’re not. Sometimes they feel like saying things that they’re pretty sure are true — or aren’t sure, but it will make them feel a certain way to say them. I don’t know why she said she loved you and then decided she didn’t want to be with you. I don’t know if she did it to hurt you or if she simply felt that way at one time and a different way later.

I know you’re hurt because rejection is always painful, but it’s important that you don’t stay stuck on this. 😉

[Sally]

What she’s saying sounds like someone who cares about you but does not want to move forward romantically. When a person asks you to block them, tells you to find someone else, and says they’ll only hurt you, that’s not a test and it’s not a puzzle to solve. That’s a boundary. It doesn’t mean she lied about ever having feelings. Feelings can be real and still not lead to a relationship.

You can’t convince someone into love or into fighting their family if they don’t want to. Love only works when both people choose it freely. Right now, she’s choosing distance, even if it hurts both of you.

I know you feel like she’s “the one,” but someone who wants to be with you won’t ask you to disappear from their life. As painful as it is, the most loving thing you can do for her and for yourself is to respect what she’s asking and take space. This kind of pain doesn’t mean your love was wasted. It means you cared deeply. And that matters.

[Member]

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