[alohagirl]

my live in boyfriend of 9 mos left me in december… he made no contact with me for weeks.. then started emailing me for the last month.. i made no reply until last week.. i finally let it all out in an email.. then he continued to email me pouring his heart out how he was wrong he missed me loved me wanted to pRove himself again… and at the same time he went to a party sat nite with his daughter and a mutual friend of ours who has been keeping me informed of his going out all the time drinking since he left me… she said he hasnt slowed down a bit.. she tells me that he was at the party telling her that i was a crazy bitch and he would never get back with me.. he then asked his daughter what she thought of me.. and she said the same thing.. his daughter and i had a great relationship and her last words with me were that she loved me and was so sorry that things werent working out with me and her dad… so then the mutual friend tells me yesterday mornign that he and the daughte said all this.. and this was after the fact that he called me on tues nite and i answered the phone and let him talk..and let him tell me how he loved me and wanted to pRove to me that he deserved me and be the man i needed him to be and on and on .. and that he wanted to earn my love and court me .. he said he loved me.. and i told him i loved him too.. then i find out the next day what he was saying just a few days earlier.. his ex wife and i are friends now because over the months having ot be in contact because of his daughters.. so she called me yesterday.. and i called her back.. to discuss this.. and his daughter answered the phone… i mentioned to her that i knew what was said and that her dad was calling me and emailing me to get back with me.. all at the same time he was talking about me like that.. and she then called him and told him that i had called her mother… he knows that the ex wife and i talk and are friends.. but now he hasnt called me… and he had said he would… his ex wife called me back and told me that the daughter said that he said to tell me that he had a girlfriend now.. this is all after he was the one calling me and emailing me to get back together.. i was doing so good.. not replying to him for weeks.. and it was so very hard after he left… because even though we were having problems.. i loved him deePly and wanted our relationship to work…

now i am left with the feeling again of a heavy heart and the depRession and bitterness of all of this.. i have to be honest with you.. i do not want him back.. i do still love him very much.. but he has hurt me so badly and done so much damage to our relationship now .. i know the best thing for me to do is to get him completely out of my mind and out of my life for good.. but i at the same time want to leave it so somehow so that he is left with the pain and feeling of always knowing that he screwed up and wanting me back… that sounds immature .. but the things he did from the beginning… i should have been done with him a long time ago.. and no one wants to be rejected… and he rejected me .. and now wants to continue to play games with my life…and heart.. and i was doing so good not to talk with him or reply to his emails but when i did i now feel like shit and he has won again.. at his game…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me tell you two things: 1) Rejection is a gift because it lets you know where you shouldn’t be. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want them, and his rejection sets you free to find someone who loves you and wants to be with you and who treats you well. 😉 2) Living well is the best revenge. I know you want him to feel pain because you’re angry at him and want to lash out, but if you dig deeper, you’ll realize you’re angry at yourself for choosing someone who isn’t a good match for you, and that anger against him is displaced anger at yourself. Cut yourself a break, and know that everyone makes mistakes. What defines character is what you do AFTER you make a mistake, and how you turn yourself around. You can win by using this bad experience to make the next one that much better. 🙂

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[alohagirl]

thank you April… i just checked and saw your reply…. u r so right…. it takes time…and i have good weeks… and then a bad day… and yet i know your advice are the absolute truth… and am moving forward every day… in know in time.. that the lessons learned this time around… will be worth it.. and i will be able to finally have a much better relationship….because i have learned what i did in the beginning was to allow this negative loser to take up my time… and then my life…. soooo again thank you…. and btw .. i ordered your book.. and can hardly wait to get my hands on it.. and read it!!!….thanks a million /~!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 😀

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