[Lindsey1205]

Please hear me out all the way…. I have been married a great husband for 10 years but a few years ago, we went through a rough patch dealing with alcoholism and verbal abuse while drinking. During this time, I reached out to an old friend who happens to be male (we’ll call him Paul). Paul and I had been in touch on and off over the years but never considered him romantically. He was there for me a lot during this time. To be honest, I wasnt even sure my marriage would make it. You might even say Paul and I had an emotional connection (not a physical one) because he had a similar experience with alcoholism. I spilled my real feelings about everything because I knew he could relate. Fast forward to now, things are back on track with my husband (sober for two years) and we are in love more than ever before. Paul and I keep in touch every so often but he is currently dating somebody. However, I received some very harsh texts today from him talking about some of the things I posted on Facebook about how my life is with my husband now. They were very hurtful and even went so far as to bash my marriage. I asked him where all this was coming from and he was very vague with his answer. I even tried to probe to see if this had anything to do with possible feelings for me and he flat out said he had always considered me a friend and would never view me romantically. I know this sounds juvenile but I can’t help but wonder if he felt like I led him on and now that my life I back on track, he feels betrayed. I never meant to do that because we’ve always been friends and he helped me through a rough time. Do you think he developed feelings for me and this is possible despite the fact he is seeing somebody and denying that he does have feelings? Why would he say such bad things to me? Thanks for any input.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Men and women can’t be friends because one person always wants more than the other — and you’re seeing that now. My advice is that you let go and move on and not maintain contact with him any more. If your husband has trouble with alcohol down the line, you can attend an Al-Anon meeting and meet female friends to help you through the tough times there, or rely on female friends and family you already have. That will eliminate this problem and alleviate any future problems.

In response to your specific questions:

[quote]Do you think he developed feelings for me and this is possible despite the fact he is seeing somebody and denying that he does have feelings? [/quote]

Yes.

[quote]Why would he say such bad things to me? [/quote]

Because he’s angry at you.

Hope that helps.

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