I’m very sorry about your medical condition. It sounds like you have a clear understanding of how you acquired it, how it affected you and your relationship and the resulting damage, as well as what you want, next. Your ex is no longer interested in working things out with you, and while it takes two people to make a relationship work, it only takes one to end it. If she’s not interested in working on things, it’s best to accept that. Just as it took you four months to figure out that you had a medical problem, it will take her a certain amount of time to process what happened. It may be four more months. It may be four years. It may be four seconds. But her timeline is not yours. Just because you’re ready to move forward with her doesn’t mean she is now, or will be ever.
Because your original medical condition is PTSD, it’s a lot harder for most people to understand than a broken leg is or even a heart attack, because it’s more amorphous and harder to diagnose, treat and recognize. In addition, the alcohol issue is an additional problem that is hard for many people to understand because they may think you had a choice in using it and that you chose the alcohol over them. So this is difficult from the get go.
What I’m trying to help you see is that from her point of view there’s a different outlook than from yours. If she does come back it will be because she is ready to see you healthy, and ready to try again. But, you have to understand that that may never happen. I don’t know how old the two of you are, but for most women, 5 years is a big investment, and for it to end as it did, is probably making her angry at herself for investing where she didn’t get a good return. She’s lashing out at you, but she’s angry at herself.
My advice is to accept the demise of the relationship as collateral damage of the PTSD, and to focus on continuing health for yourself. You can give her a few months or more, and then contact her and ask her if she’d have dinner with you. In the meantime, you should date others. I know this is hard to hear because you want back what you had, but when you have a medical condition, it’s important to a) take care of yourself as best you can and b) choose someone who is compatible with you having this medical condition. If you had diabetes, you would need a partner who understood your dietary limits and didn’t get angry when you passed on the homemade deserts she placed in front of you every night because they weren’t right for you. Now, you need someone who is understanding of your PTSD, your healing process and possible flare ups in the future.
I hope that this helps. Let me know how things go.
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