[Mystrybee]

I was in a really great relationship for several months and I know that both of us were happy and the guy that I was dating talked in future tense about us and was up front about being happy. He is a no muss no fuss guy so he doesn’t say anything he doesn’t mean this much I know about him. Everything was good, common interests, we really understood each other deeply, the attraction was through the sky, we laughed together, we never really even had a fight. Problem is I have been going through a lot these past few months and most recently my life came to a screeching hault. (I am in the process of filing for divorce and I have some other major stuff to deal with and when it all came crumbling down on me he told me he wasn’t ready and that he wants to be friends) He tried to be helpful at first but to be honest I didn’t have it to give and I know that. I know he had some stuff he wants to work on for himself personally and I know that I am not ready right now but I am hoping that it might be worth revisiting later when things settle down for both of us. We have had some contact since this breakup and he has asked me to meet him for coffee, which I agreed to sometime this week. I know I can’t predict the future, I can’t expect him to wait or expect myself to wait but I really felt we had the real thing. Any advice? My first priorities right now are what I have on the go but I really hope that this is something that we can revisit later. Is there hope? What can I do right now while we are friends? Does the one really exist or should I move on and accept that when the time is right someone else might make me happy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re married. 😯

Get divorced and then start dating.

Your life will be a lot better if you take care of business so you’re free legally, emotionally, socially and physically to date. Until then there’s going to be the kind of pressure and stress on any relationship you get into that you’re feeling with this guy. In addition to which if your husband gets wind of you dating or even flirting with other guys, he’s going to make the divorce settlement negotiations, or trial, more difficult for you. This happens even if it’s the husband who wants the divorce. They do NOT want to see their soon to be ex wives happy — especially if it’s because there’s another guy (read: replacement) on the scene.

I’m sure this guy you’ve been with for a couple of months smells the stress of the divorce and doesn’t want to go through this with you. Let go and do your thing so you’re properly divorced. When you are there will be lots of men for you to date. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Mystrybee]

Hi April,
This did help and I have officially filed for divorce so this chapter in my life is officially closed. Neither one of us contested anything it was completely joint. My plans now are to take some time for me but I do feel like the relationship I had with the guy I was dating has some unfinished business. In spite of not being ready to take a relationship on at the time I truly feel that the relationship might be worth checking out in the future. I was with this person because I wanted to be, not because he was a substitute in any way, we are friends right now so the lines of communication are open between us. The last time we hung out he asked when the divorce is going to be completely done. Truth of the matter is that I truly fell in love with him. We are friends right now, and I would like to find out/explore if a relationship in the future is a possibility. Any suggestions?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

By now your divorce should be complete, and I hope you’ve either started dating him, are currently dating him, dated him and decided it wasn’t right, or have married him! Let me know. 😀

[Member]

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