[victoria]

My bf recently moved away in may to pursue his dream of professional golf. we both knew we didnt want to do long distance & as it got closer to him leaving he cheated on me when he was very drunk one night. he denied that he slept with her & swore by that so i believed him. then the time came for him to leave and it was really tough for us. we planned to keep in touch cause we’ve been best friend but it ended up being more than that & we basically are talking every single day as if we are doing long distance cause we miss each other so much. He came clean a couple weeks ago that he did sleep with that girl & had been lying about it for months. This was so tough for me because i lost ALL trust i had for him. I have seen a huge change in him day by day & how he does want to build back trust & really wants to make us work. I’m very vocal when i have a problem & what i expect out of him & he says he’ll do whatever it takes to make it work. I love him so much & want to make it work as well but i hold so much resentment towards him which is making it so tough & him being thousands of miles away makes it even harder. He could just be going out for a beer & i automatically get mad. its so not right and not me, thats not a relationship i want to be in. but i do want to be with him im just not sure i can move past this resentment i hold towards him and learn to trust him again when hes not even here. How can i let go of being cheated on and lied to to get back to a good place?

[Ask April Masini]

I feel your pain and I’m sorry you’re so hurt, but this isn’t the same thing as a boyfriend who pretends everything is fine and then cheats on you and never tells you. This is different. The two of you are in your early 20s, and after dating for two years, and then breaking up so he could pursue a career out of town, this relationship became especially painful. When you mutually decided not to do long distance, he slept with this other woman at what he thought was the end of your relationship with him, to try and move forward. This wasn’t because he didn’t love you. It was because the two of you decided to end things. I know it’s technically cheating, but there’s a bigger picture here, and perspective will help you process this. He didn’t tell you about his one night stand for several months because he didn’t want to hurt you and there didn’t seem like there was a future together with you at the time.

Now, you’re doing long distance, and this incident he had with another woman feels like cheating, but I don’t think he would have done it if the two of you had planned to continue your relationship. That’s why this isn’t the same thing as cheating in a traditional sense. I’m sure your pain is very real. But if you can see your part in this maybe you can heal. This didn’t happen in a vacuum. He slept with this other woman because the two of you were ending your relationship and he was hurting. He was trying to fast forward his life and move on. He lied about it because your relationship was supposed to end and he didn’t want to hurt you. This wasn’t about just him or just you. Now, the way to get past this is understanding and compassion. You’re two young adults separating after two years of romance, for a career decision, and struggling with what comes next. This other woman isn’t important to him. She was a way for him to move on. But now that you’re back with him, you have to let it go so it doesn’t become something that, ironically, will break the two of you up.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings of hurt and resentment are completely understandable, especially given the long-distance situation and his past cheating and dishonesty. However, it’s important to see the bigger picture: the cheating happened during a transitional phase when your relationship was technically ending, and his intent was not malicious he was trying to move forward while emotionally uncertain.
Recognizing this context can help you separate intent from impact and reduce some of the resentment. Moving forward, the focus should be on current actions, not past mistakes. He is showing effort to rebuild trust, so it’s important to judge him by his present behavior. To heal, communicate your feelings calmly without blame, ask for reassurance when needed, and focus on trust-building steps like transparency and regular check-ins.
At the same time, take care of your own emotional well-being so the relationship doesn’t consume your thoughts. If resentment continues to be unmanageable despite his consistent efforts, long-distance may ultimately not be sustainable. The key is to combine compassion, self-awareness, and practical steps to rebuild trust while keeping perspective on the relationship as it exists now.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re out here trying to build trust on a cracked foundation 😩. like, he didn’t just cheat!! he lied, then left. and now you’re the one doing emotional cardio every time he grabs a beer? no. that’s not healing, that’s self-torture. you can love him and still admit the damage might be permanent. forgiveness isn’t “pretend it didn’t happen,” it’s “stop letting it own me.” maybe you’ll get there, maybe you won’t but don’t confuse missing him with trusting him. long distance is hard enough without playing detective from miles away. protect your peace, not his reputation. 💔💅

[Heart Whisperer]

I can feel how torn your heart is between love and hurt, between wanting to believe in the man you fell for and trying to protect the woman you’ve become since he broke your trust. That’s such a hard place to stand, and it’s okay that you don’t know how to move forward yet.

What you’re feeling, the resentment, the anger, the flashes of jealousy, they’re not signs of weakness. They’re the bruises left by betrayal. You’re trying to love him through a wound that hasn’t finished healing, and that’s why everything he does still stings.

When someone lies to you, it isn’t just the act that hurts, it’s the rewriting of the story you thought you were living. Now you’re left wondering what was real and what wasn’t. That kind of uncertainty doesn’t fade overnight. And the truth is, rebuilding trust isn’t about him saying the right things, it’s about whether you can feel safe again in your own heart. That takes time, and distance makes it even harder.

If you truly want to try, set small steps instead of promises. Don’t force yourself to forgive before your heart is ready. Notice his consistency, not just his apologies. See if his actions begin to quiet the parts of you that still ache. But also remember, you can love someone deeply and still decide that what they broke can’t be repaired in the same way.

Love doesn’t always mean staying. Sometimes it means loving yourself enough to let the wound close completely before you open it again.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… sounds to me like you’re trying to heal in a house he burned down 😞. you can’t rebuild trust with someone who’s miles away and the reason you can’t sleep at night. yeah, he’s saying all the right things now but that’s just cleanup after the explosion. love doesn’t erase betrayal, it just makes you want to believe harder. and that resentment you feel? that’s your self-respect screaming. you can forgive him one day, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay while the wound’s still bleeding. sometimes “making it work” just means finally letting go. 💔💅

[James Smith]

You know, reading your story reminded me of the time my ex told me she “accidentally” went to dinner with her ex because “the restaurant had two-for-one desserts.” I told her, “If betrayal comes with cheesecake, it still counts.” 😂 But honestly, what you’re feeling makes perfect sense. When trust is broken, even small things like someone saying they’re going out for a beer can trigger every alarm in your body. It’s not about control; it’s your brain trying to protect you from being hurt again.

The hard truth is that rebuilding trust from a distance is like trying to glue glass back together while blindfolded. It can be done, but it takes patience, consistency, and a whole lot of communication. He may be showing change, but until actions match words over time, your heart won’t feel safe—and that’s okay. Healing doesn’t run on his timeline; it runs on yours.

Try setting small emotional checkpoints instead of jumping straight to “trust him completely.” Give yourself permission to still love him while also protecting yourself. You’re not broken for feeling angry—you’re human for still caring.

Do you think your heart is holding on because you still believe in who he could become, or because you miss who he used to be?

[Tara]

You’re trying to rebuild trust with a man who isn’t even physically present. That alone makes the whole thing impossible. You can’t monitor actions, you can’t see consistency, you can’t feel safety — all you have are words from someone who already proved his words mean nothing. That’s why every beer, every night out, every silence sets you off. Your nervous system doesn’t trust him, because you shouldn’t.

And stop pretending that “he’s changed.” He’s behaving because the guilt is fresh and he’s scared of losing you. That’s not growth. That’s damage control.
Here’s the reality: you’re not actually trying to fix a relationship. You’re trying to resurrect a version of him that never truly existed. The relationship you want died the moment he slept with someone else and kept you in the dark. You’re clinging to the idea of him, not the man he actually is.

If you stay, you’ll spend months or years policing your emotions, questioning his motives, fighting with yourself, and calling it “love.” If you leave, you get your self-respect back.
Stop asking how to forgive him. Start asking why you’re trying to rebuild a house that already burned down.

[Natalie Noah]

You didn’t just lose trust… you lost the safety you once felt with him. And when someone lies, even if the situation is complicated, it shakes your entire emotional foundation. So your anger, your reactiveness, that knot in your chest whenever he goes out for a beer that’s not “you being dramatic.” That’s your nervous system trying to protect you after being blindsided. And you can’t force trust back into place just because you love him. It doesn’t work like that. Trust needs consistent safety, repeated honesty, and predictable behavior. Especially with long-distance. And if your body still feels threatened, it’s going to keep reacting until it feels genuinely secure again.

But here’s the part I want you to breathe into: this situation really did happen in a gray zone. You two were preparing to separate, both emotionally bracing for the end. He didn’t cheat in the classic sense of having a secret parallel relationship, he acted out of grief, fear, and confusion. That doesn’t erase the hurt, but it does change the meaning. It wasn’t about replacing you or disrespecting you. It was him trying clumsily, painfully to detach from someone he didn’t actually want to lose. So can you get past this? Yes… but only if you stop trying to force yourself to trust him and instead allow the process to unfold slowly. Resentment melts when you feel consistently safe again, when he shows honesty every time, when his behaviors match his words, when your body starts believing him instead of just hearing him. And it’s okay if that takes time. It’s okay if you need boundaries. And it’s okay if you eventually realize that long-distance, right now, doesn’t give you the environment you need to fully heal. Whatever you choose, choose the path where your heart can finally exhale again. You deserve that peace.

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