[Simplysteph]

I have been talking to this guy for about 6 months. It is not the most traditional relationship we are in college after all but anyway we don’t have any titles. But he is not the easiest person to talk to and we never had a conversation about where this was going. So about a month ago I started talking to this other guy because he was giving me the everyday conversation that my original guy (aka my boo) wasn’t. Long story short I ended up sleeping with the new guy and he told his friends and it got back around to my boo. Now he is saying that I cheated when technically I didn’t because we aren’t together but I know if the roles were reversed I would feel the same way. So me and my boo did talk about it and he said he doesn’t trust me any more which is understandable and that it is going to take a lot to move past this. But I just want to know what to do. I completely cut off the other guy even blocked him on my phone. I was completely honest with my boo so there are no more secrets between us on my part and I think we can work it out. I think he is going to work on forgiving me. But what advice can yall give to help me stay on his good sides and keep us moving forward? Also I was trying to think of things I can do jus to show him I care and that I am trying like going to dinner or something like that. I really like him and I guess I didn’t really realize it until I almost lost him. I don’t think it’s love quite yet I’m only 20 and don’t know the first thing about love but I do have love for him just not IN love with him. Anyway I did buy him a Christmas gift because we already discussed that prior to me telling him about the cheating but I want to do something now like this weekend. I told him I wanted to do something with him on Sunday because I’m off you know because for one I miss him and I really want to see him and two because I want to have another discussion about what we are doing now that he has had some time to think about things. Is that a good move? Like should I text or call him more often and try and spend more time with him considering the holidays are here? Or keep it how it was were we would talk or see each other maybe 2-3 times a week ( but I feel like since classes hav ended we have more free time because during the semester I didn’t put as much stress on seeing him a lot becuase I had class and work and so did he). Please someone help. And by help I mean other than criticize me I know I was wrong in cheating and I accept that but please leave some ideas as well if you can’t help but criticize.
Thanks!

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like the guy you say you’ve “been talking to” for six months, and who you refer to as your boo, hasn’t ever asked you out on a date. 😕 You said he was tough to talk to you, so you started playing the field, and he got jealous and angry and now you’re trying to win him back — but the elephant in the room is the question, What, exactly is it, that you’re trying to win back? He isn’t your boyfriend. He doesn’t date you. And the only way he shows you he cares about you is after you date someone else, he gets angry. 😳 It sounds like you’re chasing him now, wanting to contact him more, taking HIM on dates (instead of the other way around), and giving him gifts. 😳

Before you confuse yourself further the first thing you have to understand is that if you chase a guy or make it too easy for him to have you — in any way — you’re taking away the chance for him to chase you, and if he does, you’ll know he likes you. If he doesn’t, you’ll know he’s not that into you. I know you’ve titled this post, “Road to Redemption,” but I don’t think you have to redeem yourself. I think you’re trying to get this guy to date you, and he isn’t taking the bait. If anything, you should back off and see if he’s going to come after you, not chase after him. 😉

The other thing I always advise is to NEVER have “the talk” with a guy. Guys hate this talk, and if you have to have it, it means you already know the answers, but you’re trying to push or leverage him into giving you what you want, not what he wants. When a guy really likes you, he’ll date you, he’ll call you his girlfriend, he’ll introduce you around — and he’ll basically act like he’s into you. So don’t have the talk.

I hope that helps. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but sometimes it’s good to get out of situations that are like friend zone quicksand so you can find someone who’s a better match for you. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Lune David]

Girl… this whole story sounds like you accidentally entered the Situationship Games and didn’t even realize it. 😂
No title, no commitment, just vibes, silence, and a man who suddenly gets emotional only when someone else gives you attention. Classic college chaos.

You didn’t “cheat” on your boo mainly because he wasn’t acting very boo-worthy in the first place. But now he’s acting like you broke some unspoken loyalty contract just because another guy actually talked to you?

You cutting off the other guy, buying Christmas gifts, planning Sunday meet-ups… babe, that’s full-time relationship energy being poured into a man who never even defined what y’all were.
That’s not romance anymore, that’s emotional customer support.

And yes, you can try to fix things — but only if he’s actually willing to show up too… not just pout from the sidelines.

April, since you’re the expert here — what should she REALLY do next? Back off or keep trying?

[Member]

Posts