[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years.
He’s 41 & I’m 39. I got used to the fact that he’s not
into kissing and not the warm fuzzy type for
the most part. My problem is this : he tends
to like to play rough, e.g. Picking me up and cracking
my back, poking me in the ribs, whapping me
with a towel, etc.

We’ve had discussions and I’ve asked him to cut
it down if not out completely but he continues.
We’ve been fighting a lot and this rough stuff
doesn’t comfort me. Am I being a baby? I feel
like I’m back in grade school getting my pigtails
pulled all the time!!

Just wondering if this is a common issue or something
to be concerned about.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re not wrong to want him to stop the rough housing altogether. Your anxiety about this comes from the physicality of his aggression in rough housing. It’s a step away from someone getting hurt. Insist that he stop altogether.

While most men are more physical than women, they don’t usually treat women this way, so you’re completely within the norm to tell him he needs to stop, now. What’s worse is that you seem to imply that the rough housing takes place when you’re fighting. If he liked to wrestle with you as foreplay or as a show of affection, it would be different, but the rough housing coupled with fighting is very close to crossing the line.

[Author]

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