[allhaylbutler]

I’ve never been the type of person to feel comfortable with commitment, and I’ve never really believed in love. My parents did not have a great marriage and are just now going through a messy divorce. I’m not proud of it because I’m young, but I’ve had sexual relations with over 16 people. This fall I moved away for college and turned 18. At the beginning of October I met a 23 year old guy that just graduated from the university that I attend while working off campus. We were instantly attracted and I slept with him two days later. I thought it would only be a one or two time thing, but I’ve spent every weekend with him since, we meet up at least three times a week, and we actually talk every day. He’s become my closest friend in the city and he treats me so well. After about a month he had stopped seeing other women that he was dating, but we haven’t really officially committed to a relationship yet. I’m growing strong feelings towards him, which is unusual to me, because I’m always unemotional. On one hand, I don’t want to lose what I have with him, and on the other, I have so many worries – like, should I be focusing on school? I don’t know what he wants to do with me because I’m 18 and he’s extremely attractive and was seeing beautiful women. I also feel nervous that I might mess up everything in the end, because I’m very impulsive and cheated on the one more serious boyfriend that I had. I feel like I’m falling in love for the first time, and don’t know how to handle it because I’m never like this. I don’t even know what we are as far as relationships go because every time it kind of comes up, I brush it off because I’m so scared of commitment. This is a great guy, and I don’t want to regret how this ends up. Help? :/

[allhaylbutler]

I forgot to say that I kind of feel like our relationship might be moving too fast, but I don’t know how I could possibly let him know that, after I was the one who insisted we sleep together after just a couple days. I’m afraid everything is happening too fast, but I don’t really know what it would mean for us to “slow down”

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Take a breath. As far as I can tell he hasn’t proposed marriage or asked you to live with him. The two of you are enjoying dating each other, and maybe you’re spending a little more time with him than you should and a little less time on and in school than you should, but it sounds like one of your two issues is balance and time management. You’re at the age where this issue comes into play normally. You’re at college, away from home, and having to do a lot on your own, maybe for the first time. If you have to ask me if you should be spending more time on school, the answer is yes. You have these four years to get your degree and begin your career launch. The rest of your life is available for having a relationship. Prioritize school first for these four years.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have a boyfriend — just learn to balance. Keep your grades up and focus on your future education and career.

The second issue you have to focus on is your fear of pain. If you don’t want to feel the pain that relationships normally bring, then you can try and control them. Good luck on that! 😆 Having a lot of sex with multiple partners has been a way that you think you’re controlling feelings and relationships. Now, you’ve met someone you care about and you’re afraid of getting hurt, so you’re panicking.

What may help you is the knowledge that there is no relationship insurance. The divorce rate is high and people get hurt all the time. Will it happen to you? Probably at some point. We ALL get hurt. We break hearts. We have our hearts broken. And we live. In fact, we all get up, dust ourselves off and get back out there and open our hearts again to love — and we find it. 😀

You can’t control this relationship, but you can be honest with him and yourself and learn to balance your school and your love life.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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