[Anon6688]

Really could use some help. I was rejected by a girl I like who is also a friend of mine who recently moved back into the area after being gone for 3 years. Never considered anything with her in the past but this changed when she came back. Got shot down. Did it over a txt. I know how dumb this was but I took bad advice about being stuck in the “friend zone” and after going out to concerts / other events with her only 4 times I said I wanted to get her alone and I had a bit of a crush on her. I said it better than that of course but still it was a txt and it took her hours to even respond.

Strange thing she did a 180 and invited me to go snowboarding with her just me and her while her roommate was out of town. She inserted my name into a lot of txts. Such as your name being April. She would always go April, omg blah blah blah. Well she did that a lot and she seemed overly friendly. Not sure how to take it. Im not naive enogh to take it as a definite sign she has changed her mind but I think maybe she is starting to change the way she views me perhaps?

I want this person in my life. Friend is fine. This is someone Ive got a lot of memories with and this is someone I have a great time around. Bad situaton for me becuase I can imagine developing my feelings further and it would be sad if I was never seen as anything special enogh to be considered “more than a friend” but thats ok. I can accept it. Well now Im worried Ive given her cold feet. Ive been playing things cool and not contacting her and its been a bit since I heard from her.

Im just wondering two things:

1. Can we just be friends now as long as Im cool and understanding or is “weirdness” unavoidable. For instance having a male friend who likes you meeting the guy youve been “Seeing”. I could see that one being a real interesting situation.. or maybe she’d never let me be around? Strange. Not sure what the new dynamic may look like.

2. Can there be that suprise down the road when she changes her mind? She used to flirt with me with growing blatency in the past (and she isnt a flirt). I understand things change. I get that. But could me announcing my intentions and feelings (admitedly in untimely and unsmooth form) perhaps plant a seed in her mind that possibly could grow into feelings now that Im sure the way she sees me has been shifted? And if my goal down the road is to get her to like me should I flirt with her ever? Should I just treat her as a friend and see what happens? Im thinking I should never ask her again now that she knows she would let me know if her mind changed right? Im curious to hear back from you. Im just a dumb guy who generally will step into socially lava totally unknowingly and not realize what Im doing until its too late lol.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]1. Can we just be friends now as long as Im cool and understanding or is “weirdness” unavoidable. [/quote]

No. You can’t be just friends because you don’t have friendly feelings for her. You want more. Men and women can’t and shouldn’t be friends because there is tremendous potential for misunderstanding, feelings that aren’t “friend” feelings and miscommunications, hurt, etc.

[quote]2. Can there be that suprise down the road when she changes her mind? [/quote]

Yes — but only if you take yourself out of the friend zone, and refuse to see her unless it’s on a date. 😉 Women are more attracted to men who aren’t so available, and who are confident. 😉 Ever hear the saying, Nice guys finish last,? Well, it’s true. They do. So go do your thing — play the field, be successful in whatever it is you’re successful at, and let her wonder what she’s missing…..

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