[someguy100]

Me and this girl, first started dating from september 2007 till feb 2008, we were slightly younger then she had turned 19 and me 21.We loved each other, had a few good months, but then things got worse gradually, she started to feel as if she rushed into it too quick after breaking up with her ex who treated her like dirt and showed her no respect. I was different and she knew that, but she wanted to take a break and do her own thing. So she did and then over the next 2-3 years we talked here and there, we had our own lifes now. Both at university so it wasnt like we spoke before, she used to come and see me now and again, but then that started to change aswell. Over the past 2-3 months, we started to talk abit more.

She’s working now and im currently left my job and looking for a new job. But since the start of this year, ive been talking to her alot, and really trying to get her back. Im at the age i want a stable long term relationship. So we started texting each other again, i joked with her how she was being a stranger and i also told her i missed her hugs, her kisses, everything about her.She replied back saying “she misses me too and that does think about me, but she doesnt want to treat my badly, she’s been thru quite abit last few years and she just wants to do her, she will explain this to my when time is right, she wishes she wasnt so fussy and could just be with me, but its so hard at the moment”.

This was last week, so 2 days ago i asked her out for valentines day, and invited her to join me at my friends new indian restaurant and it would be special night, spending it with the most beautiful girl in the world… but she hasnt replied back to me and even before this im just stuck, because i wanna tell her how i feel face to face, so i can explain to her, but i dont want her to be put off or anything. Like i said, she did say she wishes she wasnt fussy and could be with me?. But she mentioned its hard.

But what should i do, how can i get her to talk to me about everything and get her back?. I know she likes me aswell, but i want her to love me again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you want to get back with her, but she’s made it clear she “wants to do her”. She’s also young, still. Her response makes sense and I’m not sure you’re going to be able to sway her. There are many people, like yourself, who want to settle down in their early 20s, but there are also many like her, who feel their early 20s are the time to explore the world and find out more about themselves.

I have a feeling that you’ve decided you want to settle down, and you’ve decided on her because it would be easy (in your mind) to get back together with her. My advice is, instead, find someone who wants the same thing you do at the same time you do. I know it’s more work than you were hoping for — but nothing good is ever THAT easy, right? 😆

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[someguy100]

Ooh now im 25 and she is 23 soon to be 24, so its not like we are early 20’s anymore. I understand her saying she wants to do her, and i fully respect that. Although she did also mention, if thigns wernt so hard she would be with me and that she still thinks about me n everything. But should i try and ask her what the problem is?…because she wants too tell me when the time is right, but when is the time right?…im taking her out next week, i hope to have a nice meal and really talk to her and she how is really fells. Because she doesnt like to express her feelings. She is quite reserved in that sense.

[someguy100]

I have had 1 relationship after her and met so many girls and got to know them, flirt with sum etc. But when i made sure start of this year i needed to bring things into perspective and what i wanted, she was the one i wanted. Im going to give her time, but i want to know how i should approach things with her, and get her to talk to me about what she is feeling instead of hiding it. I know she still thinks about me and when i meet her, i keep her smiling.

Like i mentioned im going to see meet her for dinner sometime next week, so hopefully things will go well and i can talk to her properly. I know she isnt ready to settle down, really im in no position to either. But if i can start things off again now, hopefully 2-3 years down the line im sure i’ll marrying her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s great she’s agreed to have dinner with you! 😀 But tread carefully so you don’t invest two years in someone who says no to a marriage proposal because she told you from the start she didn’t want a serious relationship. 😕 I know you want what you want, and that’s great that you know your mind. But the trick is always choosing someone who is COMPATIBLE. 😉 One of the ways couples are compatible is that they both want the same things at the same time. It doesn’t have to be a hard and fast rule, but they both have to want to settle down at approximately the same time. I know you’re telling me that her 23 years means she’s not in her early twenties, but I have to disagree. For some people 23 and 24 and 25 are still early twenties. For others, they feel the way you do — that at 25, they know they’re ready to get serious and committed.

Have a great time, and talk about things, but be aware of her needs as well as yours. 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[someguy100]

Thank you so much for your advice april i really appreicate it. A couple more questions if you dont mind. How should i ask her whats the problem etc etc? and if she says not at the moment, but she does like me etc etc…how should i go about dealing with that situation?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Given what you’ve written about her, I don’t think you should push her as to why she doesn’t want to be more serious with you — she’s already told you. Just focus on having a nice time and dating her like you would someone else. But be aware that she isn’t looking for something serious, and you are. 😕

[lesterkiwi]

Reading your post, it seems to me that the reason this girl doesnt open up to you and tell you whats on her mind, is that she doesnt want to hurt you with the truth. Its obvious that you are way more into her, than she is into you. While I’m sure you are a nice guy, and she truly does like you, she doesnt have the same attraction for you as you do for her. You are probably in the “friends” zone and not likely to get out of it.
As much as you want her to have feelings for you, like you do for her, you cant make that happen. You cant love someone enough for the both of you. Even if you were to pursue her to the point where she finally gave in and was with you, she would be settling for you. Not a good recipe for long term happiness.
Listen to Aprils advice and move on. Date other women. Get your focus off her. Find someone that likes you as much as you like them. Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Agreed!

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