[pau]

Hello April.
I have a problem and I do not know what to do. I am 26 and I have a boyfriend for 6 years now. He is 32. I feel very confused because I started to have feelings for a guy who I met at work, 30 years old, and I do not what to do about that.

I live 100 km away from my boyfriend’s house because of my job but although it is not a big distance we do not see each other very often. I have been living here for two years and He only visited me twice and for a very short time because he was working and now he is studying. I was ok with see him only for a couple of hours at week or even every two weeks because we are very busy and I feel with enough freedom to go out with my friends, go to the disco like a single. I think that I love that freedom and that he is ok with that. Sometimes I feel lonely and upset because I feel that I have a boyfriend but without having a boyfriend because he is not there sometimes and we are not having experiences like a couple. On the other hand, he is a nice, serious guy with plans for the future with me. What worried me the most is that I feel that I started to live my live without him till the point that sometimes I prefer not to see him. On the other side, I feel that he is not doing enough to be with me. I tried to explain that to him because a friend make me realized that maybe our relationship is not working but he took this very bad, saying that he was studying all the day for a future together and that he thinks that not bother me was better. He reproached me that when I was studying a couple of years ago and I did not go out so much he was there for me and he thinks I should have for him now. I feel very sad because I think he is a very nice guy to spend the rest of my life with and he is right about waiting for him.

The problem became bigger when I met a guy at work. I heard from him because a friend of mine felt in love with him because he was very nice to her. Because of what she told me I realized that he flirts a lot with girls. He is from a different culture and because of his accent and the words he uses can make you feel like a “queen” without having a real love feeling behind. Since two month ago we started to talk and because we have similar jobs I feel he understands me even better than my boyfriend so recently I spoke with him more than with my boyfriend even related with my problems. He started to make plans about places to go together and things to do together and insinuated that he has feelings for me. At first I tried not to pay attention to that and treat him like a friend. We started to go out alone and we have interest from both parts to meet as frequent as possible because I feel comfortable with him. The problem is that yesterday when he accompanied me home, and after talking to a friend who shows me that my relationship maybe has problems and that this guy will not be forever, the situation turns awkward when we tried to say goodbye. Nothing happened but a felt strong feelings which make me feel guilty and confused. I do not know what to do. I feel that I have feeling for two people. I am afraid to break up with a relationship with a wonderful guy. I am feel sad because this new guy will stay only for one more year in his current job and after that he plan to go abroad because he is very ambitious and he wants to be a very good professional. That situation makes me feel terrible because I think that two months is a very short time to know a person and his intentions and I need more time, and on the other hand I know that if I start something it lasts for one year. He sometimes speaks to me about a future because he feels old and he thinks it is time to have a family. And that inserts the doubt inside me that maybe he is fishing a wife because he feels old. He was about to marry once and that feel me with doubts about what he thinks he is really feeling. In addition, he feels his professional career as his best objective. With all of that, the option of being with this guy appears a crash in my organized future and maybe without an alternative future. I had the experience in the past of having a guy, broke up with him because another guy and after a short of time this guy broke up with me because I was really nothing for him.

I know that maybe I should not have gone out with him alone but I felt that I had no boyfriend in my life and now I am in a point that it is hard for me to stop seeing him but hurt my boyfriend makes me feel very bad because he really did not do nothing wrong and he loves me and I also have feelings for him too.

I am afraid to be too influenced by my friend opinion and experiences because she was in a long relationship the guy broke up with her and she changed a lot in the conception of love till the point that she does not want a serious relationship and she only wants to have fun.

I am also afraid that everything is because he is a new person in my life and I do not like monotony, and because he pays me attention I start to built a hole life of only a maybe short feeling. Other times a have a special feeling with other guys but because they did not show interested in my with only few month that feeling disappear.

What do you thing about that? What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would love to answer your questions, but first…. please repost this as a “reply” on the string of posts you’ve already started on this forum here: . It’s much easier for me to give you better advice when I can see your entire history in one place.

I’ll look out for the new post and answer you there. 😀

[Member]

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