[juhanaion]

I have been with this guy for almost 5years.. A lot of people keep asking me when we getting married, frankly speaking I am not sure. This guy is alrite, people view him as a good man. But there are things that I cannot stand all these while with him is, he do not understand and bothers what I need as a woman.

These five years we have been quarrelling and physical fighting a lot. To this date I have a bit of hatred..bruises, pain, not able to perform in work…

And the most hateful of all is, he always stare at other girls even when I hated him to do that, he would argue that he did not do anything, however whenever I caught him, I just endure it , but then when nobody around I would burst out. He would say I accused him for things he didn’t do! I cannot stand when he did it yet he lied that he didn’t and worst of all, he would say I am paranoic!

I get jealousy easily, also because through these years he didn;t show me the kind of love I need. I tried to tell him, but he would deny all the things and said me being like this is not correct…

If he chose me, I let him know what are things I don’t want him to do, is it paranoic? I told him that he don’t love me at all, he said that’s not true..

I used to have very bad gastric pain,sometimes I would let him know that I don’t feel well. After a couple of minutes he would forgot about it and said that he didn’t know that I am not feeling well and he not sure if it might be true about the pain cause he thought that such pain is bareable..

So many many things that has broke my heart.

Whenever we go out with friends, other couples bf would show ask their gf what they want to eat, are they tired etc, He would never ask me before! When walking down the streets with whole group of friends, couple are holding hands together, but he will just walk very far and pretend to talk to me..

But whenever we are alone at home he would show me that he want to be touchy etc.

So many years I have tried to “educate” him my needs and to communicate how to improve the relationship, but it seems that things gone worst. He still can’t understand to show me the care and concern..he still keep staring at other girls and said he didn’t!

I guess all these while I dare not leave him because I am now staying with him. And my mum is ok with him, I do not want my mum to be sad..

What should I do :<

[Ask April Masini]

You have bruises from him? 😯 Look, this guy is abusive, and you are acting like a victim. You should not be dating or living with anyone who bruises you or abuses you. Your excuse that if you moved out your mother would be disappointed is pretty pathetic. If your mother wants you to be unhappy and bruised, you need to find someone else to look up to as a maternal figure.

In answer to your question, no. You should not continue your relationship with him. Five years with someone who treats you as you’ve described is five years too many to have been in this relationship with him.

Time for a change — today! 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

Amen.

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