[Bluerose]

I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year now. The other day we had an argument about him sometimes not being considerate enough towards me. I asked him to tell me what are his feelings for me until this point in our relationship. He said he cares very much,but he doesn’t feel is love yet, because he was really hurt in the past and he doesn’t want to get hurt again and it’s harder for him to get fully involved. This was exactly how i felt in the beginning of our relationship so i get that, but now i feel i’m starting to like him more and more so after we had that discussion i feel awful that he doesn’t feel the same. My question is what should i do? I do want to be with him and i’m starting to get deeper feelings for him, but at the same time i don’t want to pursue something that might never come. I need some advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[Bluerose]

i’m 22 and he’s 20

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for the extra information. 🙂

Some 22 year olds are thinking about marriage, and others aren’t. So, what you want is important when you decide what to do in this relationship. If after a year of dating, a guy isn’t in love with you, and you’re looking for a commitment, I’d suggest you move on. But it sounds like the two of you are committed, but just not at the same place, emotionally, at the same time. If it’s the absence of the L word that is troubling you, and everything else in the relationship is right where you’d like it to be, then I’d suggest you hang in there. But if it’s more than just the L word that is missing, and you feel that he’s not looking for the same commitment level you are, at the same time, after a year of dating, I’d suggest you move on. Since you do want things to work with him, it’s really important for you dig deep within yourself and know what you want. That’s going to be your compass.

I hope that helps!

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[Bluerose]

I’m not looking for marriage i think i’m too young for that right now, but i’m looking for a steady relationship and i feel this one is, but i wanted to know if i should continue given the fact for now we are not at the same level emotionally. I guess i just have to wait and see how things go in time. Anyway thank you very much for the advice:)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome.

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[Ethan Morales]

What matters most is clarity about what you want. You’re not looking for marriage, but you do want a steady, committed relationship. That’s perfectly reasonable. The question is whether his current emotional pace aligns with yours. If it doesn’t, you risk investing more time and energy than he’s capable of giving right now.

It sounds like he genuinely cares for you, but his past hurts are holding him back from fully loving again. That’s not about you; it’s about his emotional readiness. People heal at different speeds, and sometimes love grows over time, sometimes it doesn’t. You have to ask yourself if you’re willing to wait, and for how long, without it eroding your own happiness.

Take stock of the relationship as a whole. Is he attentive, kind, reliable, and committed in ways that matter to you? If yes, the absence of the L word may not be a dealbreaker. it could just be timing. But if there are other gaps in care, respect, or effort, that’s a red flag. Don’t confuse delayed emotional expression with being fundamentally incompatible.

Trust your instincts. If waiting feels tolerable and you’re seeing steady growth and mutual care, staying is reasonable. But if the uncertainty gnaws at you, or you feel your needs aren’t being met, it’s okay to step back. A relationship is about both timing and alignment missing either can lead to frustration and heartache.

[Tara]

You’re trying desperately not to face: he told you exactly where you stand, and you’re acting like it was a riddle. When a man says he “cares” but “doesn’t feel love yet” after a year, what he’s really saying is he’s comfortable with you, he enjoys the convenience you bring, but he’s not emotionally invested enough to risk anything. He’s keeping you in the middle lane not close enough to matter, not distant enough to lose you.

His past isn’t the problem. His fear isn’t the problem. His “it’s harder for me” speech isn’t the problem. The problem is that you are clinging to the hope that his feelings will magically catch up to yours just because you want them to. They won’t. A year is plenty of time for a man to know if he’s falling in love. His caution isn’t protection; it’s hesitation. And hesitation is just a polite word for “I don’t see you as my long-term person.”

You’re building feelings. He’s building excuses. You’re hoping. He’s holding back. You’re moving forward. He’s staying neutral. That asymmetry always ends the same way: you get hurt, and he says he “never promised anything.”

[Sally]

I’ve been in something like this, where you’re falling a little harder and they’re still standing at the edge. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care it just means he’s moving slower than you are.
But here’s the part that hurts: you can’t hold your breath waiting for someone else’s heart to catch up. That feeling of “what if it never happens” usually comes from a real place.

If you stay, make sure you’re not shrinking yourself just to keep things calm. And if you go, it doesn’t mean you didn’t try it just means you want a love that meets you where you are.
Take a minute and listen to how you feel when you’re with him versus how you feel when you’re alone thinking about all this. That usually tells the truth.

[Natalie Noah]

What you’re feeling is honest and normal: you want closeness and clarity, and it stings when the person you’re investing in hasn’t arrived at the same emotional place yet. He’s told you the truth, he cares but isn’t ready to say “love” because of past hurt and while that honesty is painful, it’s also valuable. You can’t fix his timetable, but you can decide what you need and how long you’ll wait for it.

So here’s what I’d do if I were you: tell him gently how you feel and what you need (not as an ultimatum, but as a compass). Something like, “I really like where we are, and I’m willing to be patient. I just need to know we’re moving forward together. Can we check in in three months and see how we both feel?” Watch his actions more than his words: does he prioritize you, make emotional room, and step up when it matters? Those little consistent behaviors are the real language of growing attachment.

Meanwhile, protect your own heart. Keep building your life, friendships, hobbies and boundaries so you’re not waiting in limbo that actually makes you more attractive and gives you clarity. If after a reasonable window (you choose what feels fair three to six months is common) you still feel stuck and your needs aren’t being met, honor yourself enough to move on. You deserve someone who’s as emotionally present as you are.

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