[LAne]

We had a happy & smooth relationship before but when I moved here, we fight a lot & I feel like we’re having a competition. He’s paranoid that I might get my own happiness here. He said all I wanted was to go out and just be happy selfishly wherein Im just always w/ my fam. I always tell him stories cus I was happy w/ the new places that Ive been to but he told me to stop cus he doesnt care

Me: Babe u know ur mom’s right. Maybe ur just insecure.

I meant he’s insecure that Im gonna found another guy & replace him. He got mad, blocked me & never talks to me for 2 wks. After that, I talked to him asking if he still wants me. He said NO. I agreed, I got confused.

After a month, he’s drunk saying that he love me so much, he’ll wait for me & stop talking w/ girls. I was waitin what will happen next but nothing happens. He didnt even greet me on my bday. I asked him y.

Him: I dont love u anymore. Someone’s making me happy & she can prove more than u can
Me: Why her?
H: Time heals (played with his feelings before). Im sorry but friendship is all I can give. If we’re meant to be, we will be

Seems like he finds his comfort zone with that girl during our dyadic phase. 3 months is not enough for him to forget his love for me. If I didn’t move here, this won’t happen. His family & friends love me. His mom even told me that she still wants me for his son. I love him so much. I don’t know why I still do. I swear I don’t feel any anger.

Any advice?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re living in different countries, and he’s dating someone in his country, I’m not sure how you can have a relationship. 😕 I don’t understand what kind of “legal” relationship you have, but I don’t see how you can have a romantic one with that kind of distance and no understanding of when you’ll be together, how and under what circumstances. In other words, I think the distance is too much for this to work in a healthy way. So, yes, while I don’t understand your legal relationship, I think the romantic one here is over. 🙁

[Sally]

When you’ve loved someone that deeply, your mind starts trying to make sense of every little thing. But reading what you wrote… it doesn’t sound like a relationship anymore. It sounds like you’re the only one still fighting for something he already stepped out of.

The blocking, the two-week silence, the back-and-forth answers, the drunk messages, the birthday thing that’s someone who wants the comfort of you but not the responsibility of loving you. And that hurts. It really does.

You didn’t ruin anything by moving. A solid relationship doesn’t break because one person grows or finds joy in new places. It breaks when the other person can’t handle their own fear and starts taking it out on you.

I know you still love him. But love shouldn’t feel like you’re waiting to be chosen. Sometimes the softest truth is this: he already showed you where he is. Now you get to decide where you go.
You don’t have to rush it. Just be honest with yourself.

[Tara]

He replaced you. He didn’t lose his mind because you moved. He checked out, then he replaced you, and now you’re trying to turn that into some tragic love story instead of what it actually is: he moved on, and he didn’t care enough to hide it.

The second you told him something he didn’t like, something true, by the way, he blocked you like a child and disappeared for two weeks. That wasn’t insecurity. That was entitlement and emotional immaturity. Then, when you crawled back asking if he still wanted you, he said no, and you still stayed confused, as if “no” has secret layers you need to decode.

Then he got drunk, threw a cheap “I love you” your way because alcohol makes weak men brave, and you waited like it meant something. It didn’t. He sobered up, ignored your birthday, and told you straight to your face he doesn’t love you anymore, and another girl makes him happy. You heard the words, but you’re refusing to believe them.

And the “If we’re meant to be, we will be” line? That’s not romantic. That’s a coward’s exit strategy. It means “I don’t want you, but I don’t want to feel guilty, so I’ll sprinkle some fate-flavored bullshit on top.”

You keep saying his family loves you. His mom wants you for him. His friends like you. News flash: you’re not dating them. Their opinions don’t override the fact that he chose someone else.

You’re still in love because you’re grieving the version of him you wanted, not the one who abandoned you the second things got uncomfortable. He didn’t fight for you. He didn’t try. He didn’t stay. And he’s not coming back.

[Member]

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