[wwk2265]

my gf broke up with me 3 months ago i dated this girl for three years…..two and a half were great. the last months we fought a lot but i was still suprised when we broke up…i just thought it was something we could get past…we took some time and i realized a lot of my faults and apoligized and she says she feels things will work out in due time but she isnt ready to just jump back in….so i try to give her her space…but she calls 4 or 5 times a day..wants to hang out once a week or so….we still spent the holidays together and bought gifts…and still occasionally have sex…and wants me to kess her everytime we say bye…and still says i love you…all of these things were her ideas….but its getting to the point with me to where i feel like i may just be her safety net til she runs into something else better….even though she has not talked to any other guys nor have i heard any rumors….and when i mention these things to her she acts like i am crazy and says….”thats not how this is going to turn out, i cant predict the future but i feel that we can work through this”…and tells me that her need of not wanting to be in a relationship no longer has to do with me since we have talked and hung out…..but i still find myself feeling very uneasy…but part of our problem was i am very negative so i try not to talk with her too terribly much about how i feel…i hear different things that i should just chill and she will come around cause she will see i am patient and understanding and i also hear to go no contact and that will help otherwise she will just leave me in the dust one day ….i really cant make up my mind….she means a lot to me…but i dont want to be a book upon a shelf…but she comes to me so…i am really confused…HELP!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you keep waiting, you’re going to continue to feel uncomfortable at best and used and bitter at worst. So the answer to your question is no, you shouldn’t keep waiting.

What you need to do is take control of your own life, since she broke up with you. You’ve gone along with her agenda since the break up for long enough to realize it isn’t working for you. Now, you need some clarity and some boundaries so you can move on with your life, and if she wants to be part of it, it’s going to be on your terms.

Tell her that you don’t like this interim relationship since the break up, and since she’s no longer interested in being exclusive to you, it’s better for you if you move on as a single person, rather than a boyfriend. Once you tell her that, you’re going to have to walk the walk that matches the talk. That means not taking her phone calls or texts — or else limiting them to a weekly phone call, not five a day! You can do this by simply not picking up the phone, not returning her messages, and if she does reach you, hanging up quickly with an excuse about why you can’t talk. Eventually she’ll get the message.

You’ll have to stop kissing her — even if it’s awkward. And, you have to stop seeing her — or limiting get-togethers to platonic monthly coffee shop visits. You have to take back your life, and start dating again. Once you do this, she’ll either move on, too, or else, it sounds like there’s a good chance she’ll realize what she walked away from in you, since people realize what they’ve lost once it’s gone — and you’re not really gone in spite of a break up — and may come back to you. At that point, it’s your choice what to do, but unless you truly move on with your own life in a clean and clear way, you’ll never know where you really stand with her — or yourself.

[wwk2265]

thanks a ton…you put into words what my uneasy feeling was…..i kept thinking maybe i should have faith(which i did for 3 moinths) but couldnt figure why i was so hot cold about the situation…..i am def going to start the no contact for quite a while and take it at my pace see where that takes me….thanks again

[April Masini, your AskApril]

So glad I could help! 😀

Good luck with this new strategy. Do let me know how it goes.

[Mia Monita]

Stop waiting her to say that you’ll be her boyfriend again. She makes you as her comfort zone but don’t want any commitment at all. She wanted to be free to talk to other guy while she’s still having you when the time she needed you. It’s unfair for you, so move on, find another girl who’s willing to be your girlfriend and willing to give you what she gets from you. Give time for yourself her find your own happiness without her.

[Member]

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