[Wanttostophurting]

[color=#B2B2B2]Are you male or female:[/color]
Female
[color=#B2B2B2]Is the person your question is about male or female:[/color]
Male
[color=#B2B2B2]What is your age:[/color]
38
[color=#B2B2B2]What are the ages of the other people involved:[/color]
39
[color=#B2B2B2]What is your relationship status:[/color]
In Committed Relationship
[color=#B2B2B2]What is the relationship status of the person you are dating:[/color]
In Committed Relationship
[color=#B2B2B2]How long have the two of you been together:[/color]
2+ years
[color=#B2B2B2]Is this an online only relationship:[/color]
No
[color=#B2B2B2]Have you ever had a date in person, face-to-face:[/color]
Yes
[color=#B2B2B2]How many kids do you each have, and how old are they:[/color]
Me: 1 son 15 yrs old

[color=#B2B2B2]What country do you live in:[/color]
United states

I am hurting because I want more in my relationship. He does not want to live together or be married..when I asked him if he ever wanted more with me he said “I can’t predict the future”. That was very hurtful. he likes how things how they are. I am having a lot of anxieties and sleepless nights lately.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m really sorry you’re having so much anxiety. I completely understand that you want more, and he doesn’t, but you’re not ready to give up on him or the relationship, even though doing that means that you’re losing your dreams at the same time — and losing sleep as well. This is a tough one because you can’t have it all at the same time. Since you’re 38 and he’s 39, and you’ve been together for two years now, I think it’s time for you to get serious about your goals in life. If after two years, of dating a single mother, he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you, or even live together, and that’s what you want, then it’s time to move on. Focus your dating on trying to meet someone with the same goals you have – in this case, you’re looking for a guy who wants a commitment to both you and your teenage son. Don’t waste time, and try to find out if you’re compatible early on. I hope that helps! 🙂

[Sally]

When someone says they like things how they are, believe them. Especially after two years. “I can’t predict the future” sounds gentle, but what it usually means is I don’t want this to change. And that hurts when you’re quietly hoping for more.

You’re not asking for too much. Wanting to build a life together isn’t needy or dramatic. But you can’t talk someone into wanting the same future you do.
The sleepless nights are your body telling you something isn’t sitting right. Love isn’t supposed to keep you stuck in limbo.

I’m not going to tell you to leave. But I will say this: if staying means shrinking your needs, that cost adds up. And you deserve a relationship that feels steady, not uncertain.

[Tara]

He already gave you your answer; you just don’t like it. “I can’t predict the future” is not uncertainty; it’s refusal without accountability. It means he does not want to build a life with you and is comfortable letting you sit in limbo while he gets everything he wants exactly as it is. He likes the arrangement because it serves him. Your anxiety is the cost of his comfort.

You’re losing sleep because your instincts are screaming that your needs and his intentions do not align. You want progression, security, and commitment. He wants stasis. And no amount of patience, understanding, or suffering on your part will convert a man who is satisfied with “now” into someone who plans a future. If he wanted marriage or living together, you wouldn’t be decoding phrases; you’d be planning timelines.

Stop internalizing this as your anxiety problem. Anxiety is a symptom of staying in a relationship that is fundamentally wrong for you. You are asking for more and being told, politely, that you’re not getting it. Staying means accepting that your desires will remain unmet indefinitely.

[Member]

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