[AngelaAngie]

[b] this girl needs some advice :([/b]
To make a very long story short:

Im in a relationship with this amazing guy for almost 18 months now. But something keeps bugging me: his ex.

The girl he was dating before me (it wasnt a real relationship, more a have sex and hang out relationship) is everything you dont want your bf ex to be. She is funny, social and beautiful.
The fact that he still keeps in touch with her hurts me.
They “broke up” like 2 years ago, why keep in touch?

He texts her every once in a while, talks to her at parties and it makes me jealous and insecure. I’ve talked to him about it and he told me there is nothing to worry about. And the next time we saw her he ignored her for my sake but heard later on that he apologized to her about ignoring her and he would never do it again and I wouldnt change that. Also he wanted to keep their conversations a secret because he didnt want me to know because it would be unfair.

Im so done with this. I love him so much, but why does he feel the need to keep in touch?! They dated for 6 months. It effects my relationship. I even go to parties I dont like because I am afraid what would happen if they see each other and I am not there…

[b]please help me with some advice 😥 [/b]

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is in touch with his ex because he wants to be. And rather than telling him that it upsets you or that you’re insecure, you’ll do better with these two pieces of advice:

1. Don’t make a big deal out of something that isn’t. If you create a problem where there is none, you’ll have done just that — created a problem. Clearly, he’s holding on to her for some reason, and if you start handing out ultimatums, you’re going to end up with more stress, and possibly a break up reason down the line. You may not like this, but telling him about it isn’t going to help your cause.

2. Compete for his attention. Men will go where they feel good, and if he feels good when he’s with her, you can expect him to go there. So…. with that knowledge, make him feel good about being with you! Instead of turning into a mother with a bunch of rules where he can and can’t go and be, make it more enticing for him to be with you.

I hope that helps!

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[AngelaAngie]

Thank you so much. X

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[johncarrol]

Yes, I think u should better let him go. If u told him its hurts u and he still to maintain that relationships… he does not appreciate you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let us know how things went, if you get a chance to write in.

[Natalie Noah]

Your anxiety reading this, because it sounds like your boyfriend’s ongoing connection with his ex is creating a persistent insecurity for you. Even if his intentions are “harmless,” the fact that you’re aware of it and it triggers jealousy means it’s impacting your emotional well-being. Relationships require both partners to feel secure, and if something consistently makes you feel anxious or undervalued, it’s worth addressing carefully.

The advice given here to not make a big deal but to focus on strengthening your connection with him is practical in some ways, because over-policing his actions could backfire. But at the same time, it’s important that your feelings aren’t dismissed. You deserve a partner who actively reassures you, respects your comfort level, and is willing to create boundaries that protect your relationship. If he genuinely values you, he should understand that frequent contact with his ex is affecting your trust and work with you to establish limits without feeling controlled.

This comes down to knowing your worth and deciding what you can tolerate in a partnership. You can “compete” for attention, but if the underlying issue persists him maintaining a connection that continually hurts you. that’s a signal to reflect on whether this relationship truly honors your needs. Sometimes, loving someone also means recognizing when the situation isn’t serving your emotional health, and that’s okay. You deserve to be with someone whose actions make you feel safe, secure, and prioritized.

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