[neha_s_h]

I really need help. Pls help me sort out my life.. here goes..

I was seeing a guy for 4 yrs lets call him ‘A’ and then it started to get dull. Then i met another guy; say ‘B’ and he completely impressed me. He asked me out and wooed me into being with him. So i broke up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs and started seeing this other guy ‘B’. Right in the beginning of the relationship ‘B’ told me he was seeing some other girl too; call her ‘Z’; as she used to ‘torture’ him to be with her and he couldn’t help it. I agreed to it as long as he would find a solution to break up with her.

Initially things were good between me and ‘B’, but then he started hiding things from me. As a result we started having lots of fights and we broke up couple of times. Finally he stopped talking to me after about two yrs into the relationship. However, after about 3-4 months we got back talking as friends. I showed to him as if i was just wanting to be friends whereas i still loved him. Slowly we became really good friends again and started talking a lot again. Meanwhile, One of his college mates came and told me about him (‘B’) having an affair with her for about 1 yr and i realised he was cheating on me. Also he still continued being with ‘Z’.

Then one day i and ‘B’ got talking and i got him to tell me about him cheating me. He agreed to the cheating and was extremely sorry about it and also he broke down into tears telling me that ‘Z’ used to torture him a lot and he was like a puppet to her. He said he was extremely frustrated and wanted me back in his life. He promised me he would never cheat on me again and never lie to me.

I agreed to give him another chance and i’m back with him now. I have to bear the fact that he’s still seeing ‘Z’; its been 4 yrs now that he’s seeing her; and she appearantly forces him to be with her. Now he’s planning to get rid of her by sending her to another country, but that aint happening for a couple of months more. But I just cant take the fact that he has to be with her everyday and so he cant spend time with me. He’s truthful to me now. But because i cant take the fact that he’s seeing someone else too, we have been having a lot of fights lately, which results in him telling me that i have to understand him for a couple of months more.. I dunno what to do and am really confused.

Meanwhile, ‘A’ is still waiting for me to come back to him. He was a really nice guy and loved me like crazy. I loved him too, but now i am madly in love with ‘B’. I want to be with ‘B’ but want that other girl to be out of his life.

I desperately need help. Please please please help me out!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No, you should not stay in this relationship where you boyfriend is seeing another woman because you want monogamy and he can’t and won’t give it to you. He’s been crystal clear about showing you his true colors, and you keep choosing misery over the opportunity to find someone who’s compatible with you.

I know it’s scary and hard for you to be single, but that’s the only way you’re going to get out of this pattern you’re in. Don’t go back to the man you call A and don’t keep dating the man you call B. Instead, be single for a while and figure out what it is you really want and then go for it!

You should read Think & Date LIke A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], because that book will help you find, get and keep Mr. Right.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. I wish you the best of luck — you can do it!! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[neha_s_h]

Thank you so much for ur reply. I really appreciate it.

The problem is i am deeply in love with him. I just cant stand the other girl in his life. N as a result i end up fighting with him, which is hampering our relationship. He says he’s trying his best to get her out of his life, but in a way that she doesn’t blackmail him. N he really loves me. He’s started being honest to me now and tells me everything honestly. So doesn’t he deserve a second chance? Yes, its a fact that i cant stand the presence of another girl in his life. But also, I cant stay without him. Do people who have cheated in the past, deserve second, third chances? Can they ever be loyal? This is what concerns me. I badly want that other girl to go out of his life!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry, but if a guy you’ve dated for FOUR YEARS is only NOW just starting to be honest with you, 😯 you’re wasting your time giving him a second chance.

You’re focusing on the other woman instead of the real problem. Re-read my previous advice. When you’re ready to make changes in your life, you’ll find a happier and more peaceful way to live. Until then, you’re going to be with a guy who cheats — per your title of this post. Sorry. It’s time for you to do the hard work! 😉

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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