[Seet elf]

Hello,

I am in a complex relationship and I would like to receive some advice as it is really straining me out..

Its nearly 8 months since i know this guy. We are on very good terms when together and i like being with him a lot.. He even said he loved me. There are two things however, that are really hampering our relationship..

1st issue: He’s twice my age and doesn’t want to enter in a relationship with me (dating as girlfriend and boyfriend/ marriage,..) He believes it would spoil my future and says he doesn’t want to enter in a relation where he’s not at ease. He wants us to remain as ‘special friends’ (to meet from time to time, have intimate talks,etc..) I am growing uneasy with this kind of relationship as I would like to be in a committed relationship, have him recognize me as his girlfriend in front of his and my social circle or society.

2nd issue: He says he loves me but doesn’t find time to meet, text or call me..Often its more than a week before he contacts me. It is always me who has to make the first move towards him to contact him. I am having doubts on whether he really cares or not. He always spends a lot of time in work and work is always an excuse for him for not spending time with me.

When i try to talk to him, he grows defensive and turns the situation around. He makes my arguments feel weak and i no more know how to make myself heard or express my wishes..

In short, its like heaven when we spend a short time together, but it feels like he’s a dream i had when he goes away from me for days and days.

I am tired of this situation and want to go away from him, even if i love him. I feel I’m getting more hurt than happiness from this relationship.

Grateful if I could get some piece of advice..

[Anonymous]

Hello confused: It sounds like a similar relationship that I’m going through. My advice is No. 1 – STOP being the one to contact him first. No. 2 – Men still want to be the one to pursue the woman (no matter what Cosmo, etc., tells you, men have not changed…they love to chase.

Women who are always available are not intriguing to a man and appear desperate or worse, a stalker. You MUST discontinue also all emails, chats, letters, cards, etc. He knows where you are and if he’s thinking about you, he’ll call. And if he doesn’t call, he isn’t thinking about you. And if he isn’t thinking about you, he doesn’t love you as much as you think he does.

If he calls and leaves a message, don’t call him back until several hours later or better, the next day. Do NOT leave long messages on his Voice mail….just say, “Hi, I’m returning your call.” When you do speak, leave out all emotional talk…talk in generalities. And best of all, the one who ends the call first has the power. Somewhere in your “chat” you say, “I gotta go”. If he asks where, you say you have a class, a lunch, an appt., etc. (do not say you have a date)…keep it a mystery.

I got this advice from someone and it’s working to get my man to “yearn” for me. He believes I’m a desirable and very busy woman who have LOTS of other guys after me. If I kept calling him to let him know my feelings, I appear desperate…and men prefer “bitches”…not needy, desperate women. Read the book, “Why Men Love Bitches”…it’ll change your whole attitude in the man-woman love relationship, I guarantee it.

Enough said!

[Seet elf]

Hello droyale, thanks very much for the advice.. I guess this is what I’ll do.. After all, i also have studies and lectures to attend to.
I once tried what you said (no phone calls, messages, ..) The result turned out that he didn’t contact me for 2 whole weeks. I had to go towards him after that and he said he “thought I was busy”, so didn’t disturb me. But as you say, if he thinks of me and cares for me, he should at least bother to make a move.
What feels bad is that in those long lapses of times when he goes away (weeks), i had to face some hard situations alone.This makes me despair now, and feel that maybe i should move on. What’s the use of a relationship if you cant share your problems with your partner?
But I’ll try what you say, thanks 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

[b]droyale77[/b] gave you great advice. The problem is that you seem to be willing to sacrifice your happiness and self esteem for short term pleasure of having [i]any[/i] type of contact with this man. 😳 If a man doesn’t call you for two weeks, he’s not that interested.

You should read the book I’ve written for women who want to find, get and keep Mr Right, Think & Date Like A Man. You can buy it online at Amazon or Barnes & Noble, or right here at this link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will help you understand who IS Mr. Right and who ISN’T Mr. Right.

Right now you’re wasting time and placing a bad bet on a man who doesn’t want what you want. This isn’t a confusing or complex relationship. It’s a simple one: You want a committed boyfriend and he doesn’t like you enough to give you that. The strain comes from your trying to wish him or make him into someone he isn’t. 😥

Stop wasting time and move on. Read Think & Date Like A Man this weekend, and you’ll feel better right away. 😀

[Anonymous]

Beyond the random book advertising, suggested reading material or attempts a “clever” tricks to coerce him into the position you want him in, not all men want to chase, they aren’t a mystical beast with accompanying all-encompassing text explaining their mysterious personalities.

I’ve a simple few comments as follows:

He has stated he isn’t interested in a relationship with you
Read: He is using you for what he wants; who wouldn’t take a younger partner with no strings attached?

He isn’t interested keeping contact with you
Read: He isn’t interested in keeping contact with you

You are unhappy with this situation
Read: You should be happy in any position you put yourself in, remove yourself from uncomfortable positions

Short periods of time together feel wonderful
Read: You want a relationship and ignoring the fact you are not in one when together allows you to feel happy; imagine how you would feel in a relationship with someone who bothered to contact you?

[quote]I am tired of this situation and want to go away from him, even if i love him. I feel I’m getting more hurt than happiness from this relationship.[/quote]

I don’t think you really need anyone elses advise, or to read any books or be preached to about what men want or how they are. Take yourself out of the situation, make yourself happy without a mans help, find the kind of man you want in your life and then bother to look for one.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Seet elf]

Thanks:)

It’s true, i want to be happy and the key to it lies in my own hand! i feel better now that i’ve realized that my well being and self esteem are more important. I feel confident to move on and take this as a bad episode not to be repeated again:)

thanks!

[Ask April Masini]

That’s great news! Let me know how things go — and I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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