[Anonymous]

I could really use your advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I’m 35, he’s 38. I need to know sooner rather than later where this relationship is going. We both want marriage and kids, but I want it faster than he does. My clock is ticking, his isn’t. He is divorced, and says he wants to marry again but is very cautious since things didn’t go well the first time…feels it takes more than a year to really get to know someone. He says he likes being with me, I make him happy and he’s not stringing me along, but we never talk about the future, marriage, etc. He tells me I put too much pressure on him. Am I? Or he just avoiding the conversation? I don’t know if this is rough patch in our relationship, or a sign to move on. I feel you after 8 months time and at our age, you either know if this will last. Am I wrong?
We have a good time together but I’ve become so obsessed with the future, I’m really starting to doubt. Plus, lately he’s been drinking a little more than usual. He doesn’t get drunk, but has at least 5 beers every day. I like to drink too, but not every day. Am I over-reacting to that, too? Starting to over-analyze everything.

Please help!
Relationship Expert I’m Not

[Ask April Masini]

By the 8 month mark, you should be able to know if this relationship is going towards marriage or not. That said, if he thinks you’re putting pressure on him, then you are! It’s not unreasonable for him to want to date for a year before proposing, but if you’re already pressuring him because you don’t think he’s going to, then you BOTH have a problem. You’re pressuring him, and he’s starting to drink to relieve the pressure.

My suspicion is that you want to be married, and you’ve invested in a guy who isn’t as sure he wants to be married as you do. In spite of his words, his actions are showing his intentions to be otherwise. You’re frustrated and now you’re trying to force him to be someone he’s not.

In Think & Date Like a Man, a book I strongly advise you to read (get it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]), I write about how men who want to marry you will ACT like they want to marry you. They’ll introduce you to their friends and their family. They’ll start acting settled. They’ll make you know that you’re Ms. Right — and that they’re Mr. Right. That said, you can’t force a guy to be someone he’s not. Men who are ready to marry display certain signs. They’re in a certain successful place in their career and they’re done sewing their oats. If you read Think & Date Like a Man (which is a good deal for you at only $15.95 and an immediate download so you can start reading tonight), you’ll get all the signals that he’s ready.

If your guy isn’t Mr. Right and you feel your clock ticking, then you should cut your losses and get out. An ultimatum is a terrible idea and so is pressuring him.

I know you’re in a bind, but I hope that this helps. Read the book and let me know what you decide and how it goes.

And check me out on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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