[SidneeStone]

I’ve been dating this guy & our chemistry is insane. Very quickly, the he moved in with me.
An issue from the start was, he has a one year old, & I’m 19 & he’s 18. I figured he still had feelings for his ex.
Otherwise, our relationship was incredible. But about a month into it, we started arguing & he would try to leave. Well recently he did pack up & leave, but hasn’t stopped talking to me, tells me he loves me, etc.
Having an accepting heart, we agreed to make our relationship work. But he’s doing some other shady things.
Tonight I went to visit him at work & gave an ultimatum.
He said he left in the first place because his ex asked if they could be together again & he told her “I don’t know.” They confided in each other & she blackmailed him saying if he didn’t leave me, she’d tell me “everything.” So he felt his only option was to leave; I was concerned about this during our relationship.
He swears they haven’t done anything sexual, just texted & he sees her when he’s visiting his kid.
I don’t know if I should believe him. He was sincere & told me he doesn’t want to be with her, she’s crazy & wants only me. I said I can’t handle this anymore, but he asked to talk to me more later & I said “we’ll see.”
I need advice. I know I’m young & probably with the wrong guy. I don’t want to hear how there’s plenty of fish In the sea.
I want an outside opinion, if I should end it or what could be done if we continue. I would like to have opinions on both sides. I’m just lost.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Slow down. You’re creating way too much drama to have a successful relationship! 😯

First, it was a mistake to allow him to move in with you in the first few weeks of dating. 😕 You really didn’t know each other well enough to move in together. You set the stage for drama by allowing a move in.

Second, you should never give anyone an ultimatum. Besides… why give someone an ultimatum when he’s only been dating you a month? You’re treating the relationship as if it’s a year or more older, but you’re having problems because it’s not.

Third, you’re forcing this relationship to work — instead, relax and get to know each other during the first three months of dating and see if you even want to continue dating each other. 🙂 By forcing a “relationship” title on a new dating situation you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself, him and the relationship.

So, chill. If he asks you out, go on a date and see if you guys get along. But play the field and know he’s doing the same because it’s healthy — not because he’s cheating. You’re only one month in. Use the first three months of dating to decide if you want to keep seeing each other, and the second three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. 😉

[Sally]

This whole thing sounds exhausting for someone your age. It’s not that you’re “too young,” it’s that he’s already living a very grown-up life with a baby, an ex, and a whole lot of drama he hasn’t sorted out. And you got pulled into it before you even had time to breathe.
The way he left, but still kept telling you he loves you, that’s the part that stings. Guys do that when they don’t really know what they want, but they don’t want to lose the comfort you give them. And the fact that he told his ex “I don’t know” when she asked if they should get back together… that wasn’t nothing. That was him keeping both doors cracked open.
I’m not saying he doesn’t care about you. I’m saying he’s not stable enough to love you the way you’re trying to love him. It’s hard to build something solid with someone who still has one foot in another life.
If you stay, it’s gonna take real honesty from him, and you’d have to accept that his ex and his kid will always be part of the picture. You’d also need to see actions, not just sweet words.
If you leave, it’s not because you “gave up.” It’s because you saw that his mess was starting to become your mess.
Take a breath. You don’t have to decide tonight. But don’t ignore the part of you that’s already tired.

[Tara]

Come on, you’re just refusing to accept how blatantly this boy is playing you. And yes, boy. Not man. Not a partner. Not boyfriend material. An 18-year-old with a baby, an ex he’s still entangled with, zero stability, and a dramatic mess of a life he’s now dragging you into. You didn’t walk into a relationship; you walked into a custody-battle soap opera that you have no business starring in.

He didn’t leave because he was “forced.” He left because he kept the door to his ex wide open, entertained her, emotionally leaned on her, and only panicked when the drama blew up. He didn’t run from blackmail; he ran because he got caught juggling two women. Now he’s crawling back, spewing “I love you,” because you’re the easier one to manipulate. And you’re eating it up because your chemistry is good and you’re young enough to confuse intensity with love.

And let’s be brutally clear: the fact he “sees her when visiting his kid” is the perfect cover for whatever he wants to hide. The “we just talked” excuse is the oldest, laziest lie in the book, and you’re pretending it’s sincere because your feelings are louder than your logic.

[Member]

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