[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months, she cheated on me after we were dating for about 3 weeks with some random guy,after that we had trust issues for awhile,but she never did it again,just the occasional lie. She was an abusive,pill popping,alcoholic before she cheated.I took her back under the conditions that she would stop drinking,stay out of the bars and be a nicer person. She begged and promised hard enough for me to say yes.After that we were together for about 6 months but I couldnt get over the pain of her cheating on me,so it caused alot of fighting until we broke up 3 weeks ago and she moved back in with her mom and seemed to go back to her old lifestyle.We are back together now after being friends for about a week and she tells me that while we were broke up she hooked up with one of her exes one time.I appreciate her honesty,but should i still stay with her if she could so easily sleep with someone else in the time we were broke up.I didnt.I was depressed. Oh, and she is 4 months pregnant with my baby(yes its mine for sure,we werent apart at all in the month she got pregnant),and she is still smoking cigarettes and occasionally getting drunk off of wine instead of tequlia these days and hasnt told her mother she is pregnant yet because her mother would make her act right.I know if i say goodbye to her and our relationship and try to be friends that she will have an abortion and i do not want that,i am against it.She has told me she would,she doesnt want to raise another kid alone,i said i would be there cause im a great dad and she says no,that we would have to be together and the only reason she doesnt do it is that she knows i would never speak to her again.She doesnt want it but is for me..I do love her and I know she loves me,we have alot of fun together,we have great sexual chemistry,we are both the best each other has ever been with,we make each other laugh and have similar pasts,and just love spending time together,she just hasnt grown up like she should have by now and doesnt have as high morals as i do,she has dated alot of jerks and always has been a partyer,im the first nice guy that has a great job and isnt a screw up.She all ready has a 2 year old that has no father but me because he walked out and i have a 3 and 4 year olds of my own too.We are both 26 years old. What do I do about her hookin up with her ex?what do i do about the baby and taking her back after all the stuff we been thru?

[Ask April Masini]

No. You should not take her back. If you do, you ARE the screw up you claim not to be.

You made some VERY bad decisions in dating this woman at all, and sleeping with her without protection. You need to wake up, smell the coffee, and start living your life responsibly.

If you’re 26 years old and have a 3 year old and a 4 year old already you need to put your children first and foremost in your life. Stop talking about how much sexual chemistry you have with this woman and how much fun you have together. Your fun comes second to your children’s well being, and they’re not safe if you’re dating her. You say that before you dated her she was an alcoholic, pill-popping abuser, in your own words. News flash: she hasn’t changed.

You’re not only putting yourself in danger, but you’re endangering the lives of your children. That your ex-girlfriend is now pregnant with your baby and is drinking, smoking and doing drugs means that your baby will probably be born with birth defects at worst and developmental and neurological problems at least. If you don’t want her to abort the baby, then you need to use birth control in the first place so you’re not ever put in the position. 🙄

So, since you’ve only been together for 7 months, you need to stop seeing her, etc. Get a lawyer so that if she does have the baby you can get full custody of the child because she is an addict. If she has an abortion, there’s nothing you can do about it. Your chance to do something about it passed when you didn’t use a condom. Your concern that she hooked up with someone while you were apart is silly. Based on her history as you’ve described it, she’s going to hook up with people and use other bad judgment. If she didn’t, that would be news.

I know that this is harsh, but you need to get your own act together and be a full on fabulous father for your 3 and 4 year old — and possibly your newborn to come. Buckle up!

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